A few days before Christmas I received a gift, a CD, of four songs. They were each silent night, but in four different languages. The last one was a group of Chinese believers singing it during their Christmas Eve service in their underground church. It was really neat to hear and reminded me that my Christmases in the future will sound very different than they do now.
During Christmas dinner my mom had Selah playing in the background. I don’t know if you have ever heard them, but they are very good. Anyway, the hymn By and By came on, and it is sung in Swahili. God was like ‘Addi, look up, enjoy being around your family, because in the future, that is what your Christmas might sound like. But don’t be saddened or afraid, because even though your family won’t be there, I will’. It was really neat, I don’t often hear God’s voice like that, but when i do, it takes my breath away.

My Firsts For 2006

JANURARY!

First time to ring in the New Year in a new town.
First time to lose a best friend.
First time to learn that His promises are new every morning.
First time to tip over in a Lazy-Boy.
First time to start looking at colleges.
First time to discuss predestination with my dad.
First time to truly feel called to missions.

FEBRUARY!

First time to attend a ‘Princess Party’.
First time to stop on the side of the road to go to the bathroom.
First time to sit in a truck alone with a boy.
First time to learn Spanish….sort of.
First time to crawl under a electric fence to tell someone about Jesus.
First time to go to Ikea….yes.

MARCH!

First time to take Senior Pictures.
First time to give my testimony in front of a large group of people.
First time to hear God ask something really out of the ordinary.
First time to get grounded in a really long time.
First time to pray that someone would be struck down by lightening because they were mean to me.
First time to apply to college.
First time to go down into a tornado shelter.

APRIL!

First time to get accepted to college.
First time to have an accountability partner.
First time to drop a baby.
First time to drive to Dallas by myself.
(not much happened in April)

MAY!

First time to graduate.
First time to have a good friend break my heart because of the choices he made.
First time to get pulled over for speeding.
First time to jog….for fun. Ha.
First time to have my mom try and marry me off.
First time to enroll for college.

JUNE!

First time to go to Arkansas.
First time to have a job.
First time to go to Falls Creek.
First time to stay up all night.
First time to stay by myself overnight.

JULY!

First time to go to a movie by myself.
First time to work as a carhop.
First time to have a cavity.
First time to watch Lord of the Rings.
First time to be a waitress.

AUGUST!

First time to shop for a dorm room.
First time to quit job.
First time to go to College.
First time to meet new and amazing friends.
First time to meet my OCBF.
First time to have a crush on a college boy.
(wow, that sounded stupid.)

SEPTEMBER!

First time to be eighteen.
First time to work at a coffee shop.
First time to have a facebook.
First time to live two hours away from my parents.

OCTOBER!

First time to get a stamp in my passport.
First mission trip.
First time to be out of the country.
First time to experience an unforgettable moment with God.
First time to get yelled at in German.
First time to have dinner alone with a boy.
First time to cut my hair really short.

NOVEMBER!

First time to have my car break down.
First time to fully surrender my future to God.
First time to fail a test.
First time to buy an Apple laptop.
First time to experience mmmmmbison and Lafanzo!
First time to have a really awkward but good moment.

DECEMBER!
First time to have a college snow day.
First time to have college finals.
First time to buy lobster pajamas.
First time to sleep past two pm.
First time to drive a PT Cruiser.

~

So in other words, it has been a pretty good year. Annnnnnnddd I love getting emails like this:

Me: are you coming back next semester??? I hope so. my world is a little less brighter. lol

Savannah: oh yes yes i am im leaving within the next 48 hours to drive down. no worries my misguided republican friend i will show you the way of the brighter path. love ya babe

she makes me smile, even though she is a hardcore democrat; I just try to see past that.

Life has been pretty quiet lately. I kinda like it, in a way. It has settled down from the Christmas hustle and bustle, and down almost to a normal routine. God is still teaching, and I am trying to listen and understand. Which can be quite hard at times, but with the help of people God sends in my path, it becomes a little easier. I love my mom, she is the greatest listener and advice giver. She helps me when she sees I am stumbling in certain areas, and listens to anything I want to talk about; from what God has been teaching me, to the silly boy that I have a crush on. She is truly one of my best friends, and I love her for it…….

…..and I love hearing her stories about how she met my dad, those make me giggle…a lot.

happy day after christmas!

Lord, I wish I could praise You with adequate words
But You leave me speechless
And I so long to sing You the song You deserve
But it would be endless
I long to move Your heart
To bring You something new
To tell how great You are
Till my praise to You Its like an ocean breeze blowing on your face
Like a summer sun with its warm embrace
Like a gentle rain plays a symphony
Thats what I want my praise to be
Like a fragrant rose in the early spring
Like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings
Whatever, Lord, You may need from me
Thats what I want my praise to be
To You

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
-Proverbs 31:12

I was not exactly expecting to post over the holidays, but God really showed me some incredible stuff that I need to write down, and get out of my head, so I can remember it. I have been learning many things from God, but this subject had not come up in a long while, so it really caught me off guard. A friend showed me this passage, I had read it before, but not truly studied it. When I did, the last part really blew me away. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. So that means even in the here and now, not just when I meet him someday. I need to guard my thoughts, emotions, feelings that I have now, what I watch, relationships, everything. I want to be able to honor him, and be presented as pure, that doesn’t mean just saving myself for marriage, it means everything.
Not only does it honor him, but it honors God as well. He is the first and foremost one that I should be concerned about honoring. It is He that gave me life, and that I might be able to have it to the full. I know that I have done some things that are less than honorable, everyone has, but God showed me that the neat thing is His mercy and grace and forgiveness is abundant, and it is new every morning. I know that I have been repeating that in many posts lately, but it is something He is teaching me, and that I need to learn. So on this Christmas Eve, that is what God has been showing me, and oh how I love Him! I know that learning this and actually living this out is going to be hard, but that is where prayer comes in. I know like only five people read this but in case you ever think about it, would you mind saying a little prayer? Thanks.

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

God has been teaching me a lot lately, even when I least expected it. At the beginning of my break I wrote in my journal that I wanted to spend my time off getting to know God all over again. I have been reading through Jeremiah and Lamentations, which, I’m not gonna lie, are pretty depressing. God really wasn’t speaking…and I could not understand why. But now, looking back over the past week and a half, I have seen some characteristics of God displayed that I had not seen before. His mercy blows me away, its new every morning, which sends butterflies in my stomach.
Today I got to go to lunch with my mom, and spend some much needed quality time. I love that I can talk to her about almost anything. She is truly probably one of my best friends. The rest of the day was spent watching movies, texting friends, playing card games with my dad, calling the B-Mom, snuggling with Eli and lots of other things. I CANNOT wait till Christmas. I am so excited about what I got my family this year. I am more excited about watching them open their presents than actually getting mine! Silly, I know, but oh well. This Christmas is going to be exciting, I just know it.

Merry Christmas!!

Pictures

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
John 15: 5-8 What is true worship?? I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, and they all do connect, although I did not realize this until recently. Lately I have been wondering what true worship is. What is worship that is totally worthy? I know that worship is a matter of the heart, but there is so much more to it than that. Where do I see myself worshiping daily, and not just in church?
One of the things that God has shown me is that to obey is better than sacrifice. Obedience. Can true worship and obedience go hand in hand?? I have learned that they can. Lately God has asked me to do something pretty…..well, odd. I didn’t want to because I was afraid that my heart would get in the way and well, it was just plain weird. Why would God ask me to do that? Even writing it down makes it look completely ridiculous and makes it seem like it is me and not God. But He has shown me that obedience is key to bearing fruit for God’s glory, which is a form of worship. I want to bear fruit, fruit that will last? But what is fruit??
In a book I am reading it points out that fruit is a good work that is for God’s glory.
Walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work.”
Col. 1:10 There are so many other verses that talk about how good works go hand in hand with bearing fruit. Good works that are for God’s glory, works that serve others are not ourselves. Being a servant. Servant hood, and obeying and following what He commands is an act of worship, one that He very much deserves. These are two things I need to learn, very much, but at the same time they can also be so hard. Mainly the whole obedience thing. Last night God requested me to do something so completely strange and ridiculous that I thought that is was not God but my selfish heart.
Today I argued with God, and listed reasons why I shouldn’t obey. What will people think? They will think it is me doing this for selfish motives and not a request by you. But He showed me that is doesn’t matter what others think, and that it also requires trust, trust in my Savior that He will take care of everything. But still, even down to the last part in my quiet time, I put it off. God, why do you want me to pray for that? I don’t understand. But the thing is, I don’t have to understand, I only have to obey. Because He deserves all of me, my praise, my worship, my heart, and my obedience.

I love how patient our God is. Sometimes I will get ahead of myself, thinking that I know more than I actually do. But God is patient and gently taps me on the shoulder, and reminds me that I still have so much more to learn. I love that about Him. I am so anxious to know His will for my life, but I need to be patient. He has given me a peace in my heart. Yes, there are some hard things that I am still working through, and God asking me to do something pretty out of the ordinary, but He has given me a quiet peace; a peace that I hope will last for a long while.

“You’re mercies are new every morning, so let me wake with the dawn”

Only me, on my knees,
singing holy.
Somehow, all the matters now is, You are Holy.

He is proving himself faithful, through the rough spots, the pain, the tears, in the happiness. And even through it all I have found that He is there, and worthy of my praise.

Nothing but gratitude, is all I offer you.

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn’t always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

Home. Being at home has brought up some things I never would have expected. Tonight I talked with God. Literally went outside and stood, and spoke to God. I realized that I have been seeing him as God…….but the thing is, He is GOD. I have viewed him as Master, Maker, Worthy, Powerful, God. But, the thing is, He is also my comforter, healer, secret keeper, lover, my constant friend. I had forgotten that, I have been giving God my ‘church face’ and not me.
Tonight I was angry at God, upset because I do not understand His plan. Upset because I am a girl and I pms, and everything seems so much worse than it actually is. Angry because I have feelings for boy that I shouldn’t and am now realizing that I have to get over him, no matter how hard it is, or how much it hurts (and believe me, it hurts). Upset because my whole semester has seemed like one giant rain cloud. Angry because I can’t ’stick with it’, and always tend to wander when I get to close to God. I was upset because He is in control and I wasn’t.
During my rant though He listened, He listened to my tears, anger, and frustration. And once I finally stopped talking, I heard him quietly whisper, ‘It’s okay, I’m here. Allow me to love on you, to take your burdens, allow yourself to trust me that it is all going to be okay.’ Now I know it will be okay, even though my heart hurts and it is hard to see happiness down the road, He is good and is worthy of all of me.

Your mercies are new every morning, so let me wake at dawn.

I love how music can bring back so many memories. Like right now, for example. I am up way too late and am listening to a radio station that is playing music 2, 3, and 4 years old. It is bringing back so many memories, some good, some bad, some in between. It is so hard to believe that as of 3 pm tomorrow, I will be done with my very first semester of college. I am in college, that is still so hard for me to believe sometimes. This semester has had its ups……and many downs. But the downs made the ups so much more worth it. Because of everything that has happened, I have decided to make a list of songs to describe my first semester of college. Some have special meaning, some are self-explanatory, some are just really personal, and some are just ones I found and have loved. So here you go: My semester, in songs.

Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield*
In Me- Casting Crowns*
Gratitude-Nichole Nordeman
All I Need- Bethany Dillon*
Home- Michael Buble
Mrs Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
Calling You- Blue October
You Don’t Know Me- Michael Buble
His Eye Is On The Sparrow- Selah*
Summertime-Kenny Chesney
MmmmmBop- Hanson
100 Years-Five For Fighting
Stand-Rascal Flatts
Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crowns
If We Were A Movie-Hannah Montana*
Life Is A Highway- Rascal Flatts
Bad Day- Daniel Powter
Penny and Me- Hanson
Airplane- Bethany Dillon
How Great Thou Art- Selah
Someday at Christmas- M.J.B.

~

In other non related news:
Here is technology at its finest. My mom calls and asks for my Christmas list. So, I text her my Christmas list, via my cell phone.
I am knee deep in Judah’s Exillic Period and writing bad French and translating stress pronouns. My last two finals are soon.

So I am going to call this "A study break from finals"

So needless to say I was bored, and tired of studying, which I should be doing….but….oh well. I can take a break. These pictures pretty much make me laugh and I better get comments for them!!!
Best Viewed: with a Dr. Pepper, a cookie, happy music, and a cheerful spirit.

I was trying to look like a monkey…..but oh well.

Hehe, this one (above) just makes me laugh.

facebook picture.

this one (above) makes me laugh so hard because I think my face was stuck like this between the ages of 12-15.

my personal favorite.

You probably won’t see or here from me until the end of next week sometime. As of now, finals control my thoughts.
Wednesday cannot come sooner.
Okay, thats all I have.
Tee, hee. I am bored.

The word of the LORD came to me, saying,”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”
But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Sometimes I don’t understand your plan. It can be frustrating, confusing, and awful lonely. I know you have an amazing plan, one that right now I just can’t see. Maybe I don’t need to see it, maybe I need to trust you. You are moving, this I know, in ways that right now I cannot see. You are God, my love, my comfort, and pasture maker; you are good. Meanwhile I am here, trusting you.

~

God never ceases to amaze me. He is good, and loving, and faithfully himself. He is once again gently reminding me that I need to trust Him, for He is good. These past few years I had a huge problem with giving him my complete future. Lately I have been so focused on giving him everything in my future that I forgot to give him everything in the here and now. He is so patient with me, it makes me love him even more.

Today in class my missions teacher made a statement related to missions that caused me to really think. He said: “Being in the center of God’s will can be the most dangerous place to be. But, you are in his will, which is the best place to be.”

My mom is coming to visit tomorrow!!!
Ohhhh I am so excited. This is a much needed visit and a huge answer to prayer. Yay.

So I decorated my dorm door tonight for a contest that we had on my hall.

I had to be creative.

Creative.

Like as in arts and crafts.

Seriously.

I am not a craft person. That is my mother’s job. It’s not my fault I am not crafty, its genetic. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

So my door ended up being the conversation between Charlie Brown and Linus about the true meaning of Christmas, and the passage from Luke. At the bottom there was a cross and verses about missions. So it pretty much turned into a missions door instead of a Christmas door. A girl walked by today and looked at it and was like ‘man, you can tell your a Cross-Cultural Missions major’. It was funny. It was even more funny because I had no clue who the girl was.
Okay, now I have to go study for finals.

p.s. my french teacher lost our French exam from last week. It he can’t find it, we all get A’s on our exam. Oh sweet Jesus please let those tests not be found.

After spending pretty much the whole day studying, I am tired, but almost done. Classes start back tomorrow. In a way I am ready for things to get back to normal, I miss being in class. In other news, this little guy makes me pretty happy whenever I look at him.

Does anyone actually understand the true need for truth tables?? My math exam Monday is going to kill me. So this is me, procrastinating, and finding pointless things to do other than studying about truth tables that I don’t understand. After this comes French, and an oral exam on telling time in French, which is much harder than it sounds. I have a cold, I can’t have a cold, I have finals in a week and a half, I can’t have a cold. Gah, I am whiney.

I really have nothing profound to say, nothing that will inspire, but something that has been on my heart.
Tonight I found myself on the phone with my mother and words came out of my mouth that I never expected to. “But mom, it is so hard, these girls are so beautiful.” I couldn’t believe I said it until it came out of my mouth. Me, Addi, the girl who had it together in this area. The one who didn’t care, and thought vanity was so stupid. I guess I was wrong, very wrong.
But here comes the good part. The part I love, the rescuer that came and saved me. He only came and spoke one short, small sentence. But in my heart, it spoke volumes.

Oh Addi, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

It was the key that unlocked some doors I did not realize would open.

He is my conqueror, protector, and friend.

I have missed photography…..more than I even imagined.

It is storming outside, and is actually 32 degrees as well. My twinkle lights have been officially hung, and my room is cozy and warm. I love this weather. It is almost like it is God’s special gift to me each year. Tomorrow it is predicted that it might possibly snow. Oh what a happy girl I will be if it snows.
okay, I will post more later.

Last night was absolutely amazing. I went to bed at eight and slept till five this morning. It was great. It also stormed I believe most of last night, thunder, lightening, the whole shebang. Was beautiful to listen to. Storms, you had me at hello, if your a bird, I am a bird, you were amazing.
I got an 87 on a English paper I was afraid I would not do well on. That made me pretty excited. To top it off my car broke down yesterday. Needless to say it was embarrassing, and filled with awkward silences, and me not knowing how to pop my hood. But it was good.
It is supposed to snow tomorrow night!
Next week starts dead week…..oh wait, I’m sorry….’limited activities week’. It is so hard to believe that is semester is almost over, it feels like it just began. Goodness, God has done some amazing things these past few months. He has taught me so much.
Okay, that is all I have.

Peaceful. Oh, it is almost my favorite time of the year. I was made for this time of year. I love it, it always captivates me and strings me along in its dance. It is always something I list that I love in my ‘about section’ and it will probably stay there for quite some time. The ‘in-between’ stage where fall says goodnight for the year and welcomes in winter. It is such an amazing time that makes me wiggle. The atmosphere, the joy that God gives me makes me so peaceful.

Restored. My heart feels so restored. I feel like I am being nursed back by a loving, faithful God. He never ceases to amaze and astound me. I love our times in the evenings that we have together. Its almost as if I am beginning to see a whole new side of a God I have known most of my life. There is no limit to God and I am so beginning to understand that to the best of my knowledge. My love and attention are His, and my life is slowly unfolding under His will. I hope I never stray from that. He has helped me become restored.

Hopeful. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. There is this fear and uncertainty that has been nagging me for a while now. I have been buying into the lies that satan has been whispering in my ear. God has an amazing plan and I need to put my trust in that. I am His princess whom he loves and wants the best for. My worrying is telling Him that I don’t want to trust. Giving him my worries, fears, and doubts makes my life a whole lot better, and that is what He wants. He has shown me that instead of looking to the future, I need to focus on the here and now. My focus needs to be about my Father’s business, and not on anything else.
All this and I still have so much to learn. Now I feel so full but still hunger for Him. I love it. Yes there are some things in my heart that occasionally trouble me, but that is where trust comes in. To be able to sit quietly at his feet and passionately trust Him is my heart’s want and desire. Yes, He makes me hopeful.

It is you that has taught my heart to sing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a safe, wonderful, peaceful holiday!

I am all warm and snuggly in bed, watching a movie on my laptop, without a care in the world……then SHE knocks on my door. So I stumble out of my bed, into my cold room, to open the door, only to find out she wants to throw a piece of trash away. Gah, on campus best friends can be so demanding sometimes. But she still makes me smile….a lot.

I love our Lord so much. Being convicted and being made new is so refreshing. Tonight God blew me away with some things that I have been learning in Scripture. Earnestly seeking brings some amazing rewards.

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: “My God, how great Thou art!”

I love it when I find God in the smallest things, and it simply takes my breath away. When I look, I find Him. I had stopped looking, and He brought me to my knees. Oh thank you Lord for second, third………sixtieth chances. Today was good, I feel restored. I love looking back at my previous posts, and see how far I have come, and how He has worked in my life.

“Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” Finishing up The Third Man tonight, it is a very good book. I haven’t enjoyed reading a good book in a long time, I liked it and it was for a class.
Well I am enjoying pretty peaceful evening to myself. My Itunes shuffle is going, I just used my new Bath and Body Twisted Peppermint lotion, and I am playing on my new laptop that still needs a name. In other words, all my friends are gone and I am putting off homework. Yes, my hall is dead. So dead that I think I just saw a tumble weed roll by. “Oh, I don’t know, I’m just a hack writer who drinks too much and falls in love with girls - you.”

There are so many quotes that I love from that book, it is such a good book. I found out today that I have two tests waiting for me when I return from Thanksgiving Break. Oh well, it’s the price I pay.
I miss being inspired. I have not been inspired by anyone or anything in a long time. I miss reading/being around creative people. Maybe I am just not looking hard enough. I miss being passionate. I think I have been so caught up in my school work that I have just shelved it, putting it away for “some other day”. When I returned from Armenia I came back knowing that I experienced God in a whole new way. Then school started and I was behind from missing school, and I lost all of that. I let it slip away from me. It breaks my heart that I let that happen. I miss my Savior. I miss walking close with him. I have no excuse for it, just that I let all of the “little stuff” get in the way.

Thanksgiving is so soon. I am so excited. More than excited, almost to the point of a happy dance. I need to write, I want to write, but I can’t write. I’m in college. They seem to feel the need to suck all the writingness out of me and use it all on papers about very boring subjects. I know writingness isn’t a word, but oh well, I made it one.

We made semi eye contact the other day. That made me pretty happy. But I need to get over it and move on. Writing this isn’t helping. bah.

I need sleep so bad, thank you Jesus for the weekend. This weekend is being devoted to sleep, writing my paper, and most importantly, spending time with my Savior. I am craving it, needing it, wanting it. My devotion is lacking and I hate that fact.
Spell check is not working either, apologies for my misspelling of things.
I miss my parents and brother.
Thanksgiving, you need to hurry up and come soon.

Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson

He makes my heart happy, and so does Simon and Garfunkel.

Life has kept me…….going a hundred miles an hour. I am in the thick of the semester and school is keeping me pretty busy. I have finally mastered time change and am back to my horrible school sleeping schedule. Roommate stuff is junk, but God is/will work it out.
I miss writing, so, so much. I miss my late nights when I would sit in my room alone and type away at the computer, thinking I was being this huge intellectual by writing short fiction. That was what made a lot of my junior and senior year in high school magical. I think I might start back up writing on my Christmas break, the thought of that is what keeps me going.
“How refreshing to know you don’t need me,
how amazing to find that you want me.” I find such comfort in that. I am driving home the other day, listening to this song and truly trying to hear God’s voice. He has shown me some amazing things these past few weeks, things I would never have expected. My love for Him has grown even more, more than I thought I could. I have been given some opportunities that excites me and allows me to serve him ever greater. But to whom much is given, much is required. Satan has been attacking me so much it makes my head spin. I want to please the Lord, and I want to be filled with His spirit. But with that comes so many tests from the evil one. Many I do fail, time and time again.
I need your Holy Spirit so much, and you have shown me that. You have shown me a Holy Spirit that I never knew. I limited you, God. You showed me that there is nothing that can stop from your Glory being shown. I have now seen the Holy Spirit work in ways I never knew, ways that makes me fall in love with you even more. “and when I need your holy spirit more
than life itself, then Christ is formed in me” God has given one more piece to the puzzle that is my future. When I fully give him everything, and rest in His arms, and let him take control, I become whole. Surrendering everything is a daily battle for me. But with his help, I have learned to overcome it. Now granted yes, there are times I stumble, but my Savior is right there to pick me up. I have faced fears and have been given a peace about whatever is to come. Whether that means I will be alone with no husband for the rest of my life, that is okay if it is God’s will. Think of some of the women missionaries that were alone, and did some amazing things. But wait, they weren’t alone, they had Christ.

I swear I am still here.

I promise that I will return emails soon, I am not ignoring everyone.

I will post soon. Very, very soon.

Life has been insane, I am ready to breathe again and I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

But life is good too.

Me: I took class 0n “how to be Melissa’s friend and still get out alive”.

Melissa:You got out alive…so far. But who knows what will happen tonight. You’re in MY territory now. Sleep with one eye open.

Me: oh yeah?? well I have so much stuff on you that you don’t want to do anything to me….or else. hahaha.

Melissa: Like what!!??

Me: I might just go tell shaun about your other man…..Lafanzo!

Melissa: Lafanzo?? Who the crap is he????

Me: remember? you met him on that trip we went on and we went to the one resteraunt. He was there as the entertainment. “Lafanzo the Asian/Latino Flamingo Dancer” and he picked you out of the crowd that night to become his “especial lady”. Once you met you hit it off.
Then you and he mistakenly got married and made twins Patrick and Swayze. Remember? Those were the days you were crazy for Swayze. You moved into a little Shack down by the river, and started a tent making bussiness, like Paul did. A traveling pastor came to town and a revival broke loose, you both realized that by co-habitating together you were living in sin. So you both turned and repented, placed Patrick and Swayze for adoption, then enrolled at OBU so you could have a fresh start and straighten your life out. now I bet you remember…….

~

Mmmmm I love our random conversations. They make me happy in the midst of all the stress and junk with the roommate.

It’s no fun to have your roommate get mad at you, kick you out of your room at 6 am because you are doing homework because you are jetlagged.

Love is……..

Not hating your roommate, but praying to be able to see her through God’s eyes.

a struggle for me right now.

~

Armenia was amazing.
I loved everything about it.
The people there captured my heart.

24 hour flight

Got yelled at in German.

Mastered the Euro…..sort of.

The dram is even harder.

Armenia is beautiful.

Had to say that I am on a “vacation” to be able to get my visa.

God is good.

He is moving.

He is God.

Mmmmm. These past few days have been a mixture of good and bad. Fall Break officially began at 3:30 yesterday afternoon. It has been great to be at home these past 24 hours, then tomorrow I am off again.
Armenia is tomorrow. It feels so weird to say that. It seems like yesterday I was saying “yes, I am going to Armenia in a year”, but now it is tomorrow. I have so many feelings going on inside; excitement, fear, nervousness, so many things. God will move, this I know, and that I am content in knowing.

I love chocolate. Snuggling is the best. Reading books on a cold, rainy day is amazing. My OCBF is ever better. She is my favorite, even with her wild, unbrushed hair. I want to dance in the rain someday. That would be so romantic. I have two tests, and a paper due next week. Its okay. God is good. He is faithful and has made some pretty impossible things possible. The Bison-a-thon is tomorrow. Yay. I am so psyched for my 5k run. I bet whomever just read that sentence that knows me well about busted a gut laughing. My life quote is “I only run when someone scary or a dog is chasing me”. That person/dog has to be pretty scary too. No, actually I am going to support a friend. Me and the OCBF made t-shirts too. Pictures will be posted. I think dancing is romantic. Armenia is so, so soon. God is going to do some amazing things. I am so excited. My favorite color is pink. My missions class is the highlight of my week. It is so much fun to be around so many like minded people. Writing letters is an amazing forgotten form of communication. I wish that more people would send me letters. Facebook is so addicting. I used to be addicted to neopets, it wasn’t pretty. I will go out of my way to step on that extra crunchy looking leaf. I miss my best friend. She is only 45 minutes away and I still never get to see her. Boo. I like my dorm room. It’s fun. I like squirrels. Reading Jim Elliot’s book is so good. This was a completely random post, but hey its fun.

Mmmm, so I most definitely busted out some Hanson Christmas. I know, I just couldn’t help myself. I am so ready for this weekend, and for things to be straightened out. I hate it when I mess up.
But God is good, faithful, and loving, as always.

Best Picture Being Taken While Clueless To What Is Going On In The Background:
I think we have a winner.

Physically: I am tired……exhausted, more like it.
Spiritually: I am learning to be patient…….very patient.
Listening to: Dean Martin Sway
Looking forward to:
Seeing my best friend next weekend, payday, midterms to be over, my stress level to be reduced, Armenia, my future, and Christmas break. I cannot wait for Christmas break. Just the thought to be able to relax, and lazily read in my cozy room.

“Let us go find a hidden, secret place that poets will one day write about…”

That is the feeling that fall brings about for me.

I am home for the first time in two weeks. It feels good to be home. It is such a weird feeling though, because it doesn’t feel like home, but it still feels comforting. Maybe it is because my room is actually clean, and there is no clutter on the floor. It feels good to be back at my old computer, typing on a real keyboard instead of a silly laptop. I like being able to hug my sweet little brother whenever I feel like it, instead of only thinking about how much I miss him.
But there is so much about school that I love. School has gotten so much better over the past few weeks. I am make friends who truly love the Lord, and who are excited to be at a Christian school. I have an amazing OCBF (on campus best friend), who keeps me grounded and is such a highlight in my day. I am beginning to become more outgoing and so I am making more friends which is fun. School is hard, but I like the challenge and am doing well. My professors like me, and I like them too. (Meeting with them brightens my day. Truly.) I also am actually craving to write again for fun, and they may just happen one weekend in the near future.

Things I am excited about:

• Fall and crunchy leaves
• making more friends and spending time with the friends I have
• seeing the best friend in a few weekends.
• going and telling others about Jesus and getting a stamp in my passport in fourteen days.
• swishy skirts
• Christmas
• wearing scarves
• fall break
• beginning my Christmas shopping.
• dressing up for Halloween
• signing to a Christmas song for tomorrow’s Speechless performance.