My Lovely Genesis

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn’t always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

Home. Being at home has brought up some things I never would have expected. Tonight I talked with God. Literally went outside and stood, and spoke to God. I realized that I have been seeing him as God…….but the thing is, He is GOD. I have viewed him as Master, Maker, Worthy, Powerful, God. But, the thing is, He is also my comforter, healer, secret keeper, lover, my constant friend. I had forgotten that, I have been giving God my ‘church face’ and not me.
Tonight I was angry at God, upset because I do not understand His plan. Upset because I am a girl and I pms, and everything seems so much worse than it actually is. Angry because I have feelings for boy that I shouldn’t and am now realizing that I have to get over him, no matter how hard it is, or how much it hurts (and believe me, it hurts). Upset because my whole semester has seemed like one giant rain cloud. Angry because I can’t ’stick with it’, and always tend to wander when I get to close to God. I was upset because He is in control and I wasn’t.
During my rant though He listened, He listened to my tears, anger, and frustration. And once I finally stopped talking, I heard him quietly whisper, ‘It’s okay, I’m here. Allow me to love on you, to take your burdens, allow yourself to trust me that it is all going to be okay.’ Now I know it will be okay, even though my heart hurts and it is hard to see happiness down the road, He is good and is worthy of all of me.

Your mercies are new every morning, so let me wake at dawn.