I guess I am slightly confused as to what God has in store, but I know that His plan is good, even if it means I might not get what I would like. I need to not worry about what a person might think, or might misinterpret somethign as, and keep doing what I’m doing, and trust God.

Peace.

That is what my life has been like lately. God has blessed me and brought me a season of peace and joy. Maybe it is because I have gotten closer to Him than I ever have before, maybe it is because of some changes in my life that He has required, maybe it is because He knew I needed this. Whatever the reason, I am enjoying it immensely. I’m not saying that everything is rosy, there are still things in my life that are less than great. But those things really don’t matter, because I laid them down at His feet. How long will this last? I don’t know. But I do know that He loves me and I am completely lost in love. He gives me joy.

E,
Does the video work yet?

So life is pretty good right now. God has blessed me with some amazing people.
p.s. I like how melissa can never take a serious picture.

I received some news on Friday that has left my head feeling fuzzy. I am trying to sort out and place my trust in who God is, and not what I think He should be doing. But its going to be okay, I know it. He’s God, and I am not…..which makes me really happy. He has a plan, and it is good.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2. Cor. 12:9b

~

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Tonight I have kept this song on repeat. Its words speak the words in my heart. Sometimes I get so caught up in all the ’stuff’ of religion that I forget the most important thing; Him. I have been wanting to go deeper, wanting to become more passionate. I guess I am a little bit at a loss for words. So many things are going on right now, and more are going to happen, things that might possibly affect my future. I know that He is in control, but I have let ‘little things’ get in the way. Yes, the next few weeks may not turn out how I would like them to, I might receive news that I don’t want to hear, but He is in control. Its going to be good because He loves me. To become more passionate I need to become more silent, and go back to the things that first drew me to him, when I was sweetly broken.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.”
2 Cor. 12:8b

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Physician, heal thyself’? Yeah, well, I was reminded of it today. I wasn’t pointing out a fault in someone, but I was sharing a verse that I read and remember in troubled times. Well, today could have fallen into the ‘trouble times category’, and I went about moping and feeling sorry for myself. It was towards the end of the day that God gently shared the same verse that I shared with a friend yesterday. I then realized that I went to everyone but God today about what was wrong. But when I ran to Him I was welcomed with open arms and a warm hug, and peace that only He can give.

I love my mom.
She’s my best friend.
And I love that she knows how to text now.
It saves a lot of phone calls.
I miss her.
But I am glad to be where God has put me.
Even though right now, its hard to be content in trusting his plan.
But thats okay.
Goodnight.

P.S. I love the song called ‘Find your Wings’ by Mark Harris. My parents gave it to me when I left and I listen to it every time I get homesick or sad. I love it.

Guarding my heart + patiently waiting = sometimes a extreme spiritual exhaustion
I know He has a plan, I know it. But satan knows exactly where it hurts the most and he hits hard. A woman very dear to me wrote these words that spoke directly to me, even though she might now have known it.

“Satan is a liar. He is cunning and deceptive. He will find the weakest spot in our armor, and let us have it with full force…especially if we are walking closely with the Lord. He does not want us to walk in victory. He speaks lies over us, things we know are contrary to God’s word and God’s heart. He tells us to believe things that just are not true. ”

Sometimes it is so hard to not believe his lies. They can get pretty loud, but if I listen closely, I can still here His gentle whisper through it all. “Trust me, follow me, come to me.” I know what God has told me, and after a great night last night, satan is hitting full force.

Things with one of my best friends isn’t going so hot. She can be pretty selfish sometimes and it can be pretty frustrating. I still love her. I’m not saying the friendship is over, I just need some time to think. That’s all.

I am at home and loving it. I have missed my family so much.

The brother has influenza and a temp of 105.3……….oh, and did I mention it is highly contagious? It’s not the flu, but the full blown, hard core influenza. Yeah. So Mom, Dad, and I are on these pills now that are supposed to help us not get sick. The doctor said we have to take them for a week. Bah.

I hate it when people make stuff about them, when in all reality, its not. I hate when people don’t see what I am feeling and then make it all about them. Its stupid, and inconsiderate. When I am upset about something, I like to process it first, and sort everything out in my head, not talk it to death and hug afterwards.

There is so much going on right now, so much going through my head. But for now, I think it is going to stay there. So much is happening, and I see so much more about to happen. It makes me excited and nervous all at the same time. But through it all, I just want to remain faithful. And sometimes, that is so much easier said than done. In some moments keeping Him my focus is the easiest thing to do, and then there are other times where it becomes a daily struggle to do so. I want to learn to abide. To continually, faithfully, and passionately abide.

A few years ago I knew that God would never grant me my heart’s desires until I was fully satisfied in Him, completely sold out for Him, in His timing, not mine. Now in 2007, I have yet to have some of my heart’s desires, but I’m okay with that…..most of the time. I am many steps closer to the person He wants me to be, and I have many more steps to go. Learning to wait on His perfect plan is like telling me that I can’t go to Starbucks anymore; its hard. But it is also something that I am slowly learning. I have learned, and am learning to be content in Him. I love having that feeling! There were some days in my past that I thought that feeling would never come. With God, nothing is impossible.

School,
family,
friends,
God,
silly boy stuff,
learning so many things from my Savior,
road trips home,
and many other things have been keeping me busy lately; but I kinda like it like that. God has been so good to me that sometimes, it leaves me speechless. I love it when He surprises me with little things here and there. Its even better when I get huge ones where He’s like ‘Look Addi, I am taking care of you, see? Your best interests are what matter to me.’
I like my Jesus…..a lot.