A few days before Christmas I received a gift, a CD, of four songs. They were each silent night, but in four different languages. The last one was a group of Chinese believers singing it during their Christmas Eve service in their underground church. It was really neat to hear and reminded me that my Christmases in the future will sound very different than they do now.
During Christmas dinner my mom had Selah playing in the background. I don’t know if you have ever heard them, but they are very good. Anyway, the hymn By and By came on, and it is sung in Swahili. God was like ‘Addi, look up, enjoy being around your family, because in the future, that is what your Christmas might sound like. But don’t be saddened or afraid, because even though your family won’t be there, I will’. It was really neat, I don’t often hear God’s voice like that, but when i do, it takes my breath away.

My Firsts For 2006

JANURARY!

First time to ring in the New Year in a new town.
First time to lose a best friend.
First time to learn that His promises are new every morning.
First time to tip over in a Lazy-Boy.
First time to start looking at colleges.
First time to discuss predestination with my dad.
First time to truly feel called to missions.

FEBRUARY!

First time to attend a ‘Princess Party’.
First time to stop on the side of the road to go to the bathroom.
First time to sit in a truck alone with a boy.
First time to learn Spanish….sort of.
First time to crawl under a electric fence to tell someone about Jesus.
First time to go to Ikea….yes.

MARCH!

First time to take Senior Pictures.
First time to give my testimony in front of a large group of people.
First time to hear God ask something really out of the ordinary.
First time to get grounded in a really long time.
First time to pray that someone would be struck down by lightening because they were mean to me.
First time to apply to college.
First time to go down into a tornado shelter.

APRIL!

First time to get accepted to college.
First time to have an accountability partner.
First time to drop a baby.
First time to drive to Dallas by myself.
(not much happened in April)

MAY!

First time to graduate.
First time to have a good friend break my heart because of the choices he made.
First time to get pulled over for speeding.
First time to jog….for fun. Ha.
First time to have my mom try and marry me off.
First time to enroll for college.

JUNE!

First time to go to Arkansas.
First time to have a job.
First time to go to Falls Creek.
First time to stay up all night.
First time to stay by myself overnight.

JULY!

First time to go to a movie by myself.
First time to work as a carhop.
First time to have a cavity.
First time to watch Lord of the Rings.
First time to be a waitress.

AUGUST!

First time to shop for a dorm room.
First time to quit job.
First time to go to College.
First time to meet new and amazing friends.
First time to meet my OCBF.
First time to have a crush on a college boy.
(wow, that sounded stupid.)

SEPTEMBER!

First time to be eighteen.
First time to work at a coffee shop.
First time to have a facebook.
First time to live two hours away from my parents.

OCTOBER!

First time to get a stamp in my passport.
First mission trip.
First time to be out of the country.
First time to experience an unforgettable moment with God.
First time to get yelled at in German.
First time to have dinner alone with a boy.
First time to cut my hair really short.

NOVEMBER!

First time to have my car break down.
First time to fully surrender my future to God.
First time to fail a test.
First time to buy an Apple laptop.
First time to experience mmmmmbison and Lafanzo!
First time to have a really awkward but good moment.

DECEMBER!
First time to have a college snow day.
First time to have college finals.
First time to buy lobster pajamas.
First time to sleep past two pm.
First time to drive a PT Cruiser.

~

So in other words, it has been a pretty good year. Annnnnnnddd I love getting emails like this:

Me: are you coming back next semester??? I hope so. my world is a little less brighter. lol

Savannah: oh yes yes i am im leaving within the next 48 hours to drive down. no worries my misguided republican friend i will show you the way of the brighter path. love ya babe

she makes me smile, even though she is a hardcore democrat; I just try to see past that.

Life has been pretty quiet lately. I kinda like it, in a way. It has settled down from the Christmas hustle and bustle, and down almost to a normal routine. God is still teaching, and I am trying to listen and understand. Which can be quite hard at times, but with the help of people God sends in my path, it becomes a little easier. I love my mom, she is the greatest listener and advice giver. She helps me when she sees I am stumbling in certain areas, and listens to anything I want to talk about; from what God has been teaching me, to the silly boy that I have a crush on. She is truly one of my best friends, and I love her for it…….

…..and I love hearing her stories about how she met my dad, those make me giggle…a lot.

happy day after christmas!

Lord, I wish I could praise You with adequate words
But You leave me speechless
And I so long to sing You the song You deserve
But it would be endless
I long to move Your heart
To bring You something new
To tell how great You are
Till my praise to You Its like an ocean breeze blowing on your face
Like a summer sun with its warm embrace
Like a gentle rain plays a symphony
Thats what I want my praise to be
Like a fragrant rose in the early spring
Like an eagle soars when it spreads its wings
Whatever, Lord, You may need from me
Thats what I want my praise to be
To You

She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
-Proverbs 31:12

I was not exactly expecting to post over the holidays, but God really showed me some incredible stuff that I need to write down, and get out of my head, so I can remember it. I have been learning many things from God, but this subject had not come up in a long while, so it really caught me off guard. A friend showed me this passage, I had read it before, but not truly studied it. When I did, the last part really blew me away. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. So that means even in the here and now, not just when I meet him someday. I need to guard my thoughts, emotions, feelings that I have now, what I watch, relationships, everything. I want to be able to honor him, and be presented as pure, that doesn’t mean just saving myself for marriage, it means everything.
Not only does it honor him, but it honors God as well. He is the first and foremost one that I should be concerned about honoring. It is He that gave me life, and that I might be able to have it to the full. I know that I have done some things that are less than honorable, everyone has, but God showed me that the neat thing is His mercy and grace and forgiveness is abundant, and it is new every morning. I know that I have been repeating that in many posts lately, but it is something He is teaching me, and that I need to learn. So on this Christmas Eve, that is what God has been showing me, and oh how I love Him! I know that learning this and actually living this out is going to be hard, but that is where prayer comes in. I know like only five people read this but in case you ever think about it, would you mind saying a little prayer? Thanks.

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

God has been teaching me a lot lately, even when I least expected it. At the beginning of my break I wrote in my journal that I wanted to spend my time off getting to know God all over again. I have been reading through Jeremiah and Lamentations, which, I’m not gonna lie, are pretty depressing. God really wasn’t speaking…and I could not understand why. But now, looking back over the past week and a half, I have seen some characteristics of God displayed that I had not seen before. His mercy blows me away, its new every morning, which sends butterflies in my stomach.
Today I got to go to lunch with my mom, and spend some much needed quality time. I love that I can talk to her about almost anything. She is truly probably one of my best friends. The rest of the day was spent watching movies, texting friends, playing card games with my dad, calling the B-Mom, snuggling with Eli and lots of other things. I CANNOT wait till Christmas. I am so excited about what I got my family this year. I am more excited about watching them open their presents than actually getting mine! Silly, I know, but oh well. This Christmas is going to be exciting, I just know it.

Merry Christmas!!

Pictures

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
John 15: 5-8 What is true worship?? I have so many thoughts swirling in my head, and they all do connect, although I did not realize this until recently. Lately I have been wondering what true worship is. What is worship that is totally worthy? I know that worship is a matter of the heart, but there is so much more to it than that. Where do I see myself worshiping daily, and not just in church?
One of the things that God has shown me is that to obey is better than sacrifice. Obedience. Can true worship and obedience go hand in hand?? I have learned that they can. Lately God has asked me to do something pretty…..well, odd. I didn’t want to because I was afraid that my heart would get in the way and well, it was just plain weird. Why would God ask me to do that? Even writing it down makes it look completely ridiculous and makes it seem like it is me and not God. But He has shown me that obedience is key to bearing fruit for God’s glory, which is a form of worship. I want to bear fruit, fruit that will last? But what is fruit??
In a book I am reading it points out that fruit is a good work that is for God’s glory.
Walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work.”
Col. 1:10 There are so many other verses that talk about how good works go hand in hand with bearing fruit. Good works that are for God’s glory, works that serve others are not ourselves. Being a servant. Servant hood, and obeying and following what He commands is an act of worship, one that He very much deserves. These are two things I need to learn, very much, but at the same time they can also be so hard. Mainly the whole obedience thing. Last night God requested me to do something so completely strange and ridiculous that I thought that is was not God but my selfish heart.
Today I argued with God, and listed reasons why I shouldn’t obey. What will people think? They will think it is me doing this for selfish motives and not a request by you. But He showed me that is doesn’t matter what others think, and that it also requires trust, trust in my Savior that He will take care of everything. But still, even down to the last part in my quiet time, I put it off. God, why do you want me to pray for that? I don’t understand. But the thing is, I don’t have to understand, I only have to obey. Because He deserves all of me, my praise, my worship, my heart, and my obedience.

I love how patient our God is. Sometimes I will get ahead of myself, thinking that I know more than I actually do. But God is patient and gently taps me on the shoulder, and reminds me that I still have so much more to learn. I love that about Him. I am so anxious to know His will for my life, but I need to be patient. He has given me a peace in my heart. Yes, there are some hard things that I am still working through, and God asking me to do something pretty out of the ordinary, but He has given me a quiet peace; a peace that I hope will last for a long while.

“You’re mercies are new every morning, so let me wake with the dawn”

Only me, on my knees,
singing holy.
Somehow, all the matters now is, You are Holy.

He is proving himself faithful, through the rough spots, the pain, the tears, in the happiness. And even through it all I have found that He is there, and worthy of my praise.

Nothing but gratitude, is all I offer you.

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn’t always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

Home. Being at home has brought up some things I never would have expected. Tonight I talked with God. Literally went outside and stood, and spoke to God. I realized that I have been seeing him as God…….but the thing is, He is GOD. I have viewed him as Master, Maker, Worthy, Powerful, God. But, the thing is, He is also my comforter, healer, secret keeper, lover, my constant friend. I had forgotten that, I have been giving God my ‘church face’ and not me.
Tonight I was angry at God, upset because I do not understand His plan. Upset because I am a girl and I pms, and everything seems so much worse than it actually is. Angry because I have feelings for boy that I shouldn’t and am now realizing that I have to get over him, no matter how hard it is, or how much it hurts (and believe me, it hurts). Upset because my whole semester has seemed like one giant rain cloud. Angry because I can’t ’stick with it’, and always tend to wander when I get to close to God. I was upset because He is in control and I wasn’t.
During my rant though He listened, He listened to my tears, anger, and frustration. And once I finally stopped talking, I heard him quietly whisper, ‘It’s okay, I’m here. Allow me to love on you, to take your burdens, allow yourself to trust me that it is all going to be okay.’ Now I know it will be okay, even though my heart hurts and it is hard to see happiness down the road, He is good and is worthy of all of me.

Your mercies are new every morning, so let me wake at dawn.

I love how music can bring back so many memories. Like right now, for example. I am up way too late and am listening to a radio station that is playing music 2, 3, and 4 years old. It is bringing back so many memories, some good, some bad, some in between. It is so hard to believe that as of 3 pm tomorrow, I will be done with my very first semester of college. I am in college, that is still so hard for me to believe sometimes. This semester has had its ups……and many downs. But the downs made the ups so much more worth it. Because of everything that has happened, I have decided to make a list of songs to describe my first semester of college. Some have special meaning, some are self-explanatory, some are just really personal, and some are just ones I found and have loved. So here you go: My semester, in songs.

Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield*
In Me- Casting Crowns*
Gratitude-Nichole Nordeman
All I Need- Bethany Dillon*
Home- Michael Buble
Mrs Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
Calling You- Blue October
You Don’t Know Me- Michael Buble
His Eye Is On The Sparrow- Selah*
Summertime-Kenny Chesney
MmmmmBop- Hanson
100 Years-Five For Fighting
Stand-Rascal Flatts
Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crowns
If We Were A Movie-Hannah Montana*
Life Is A Highway- Rascal Flatts
Bad Day- Daniel Powter
Penny and Me- Hanson
Airplane- Bethany Dillon
How Great Thou Art- Selah
Someday at Christmas- M.J.B.

~

In other non related news:
Here is technology at its finest. My mom calls and asks for my Christmas list. So, I text her my Christmas list, via my cell phone.
I am knee deep in Judah’s Exillic Period and writing bad French and translating stress pronouns. My last two finals are soon.

So I am going to call this "A study break from finals"

So needless to say I was bored, and tired of studying, which I should be doing….but….oh well. I can take a break. These pictures pretty much make me laugh and I better get comments for them!!!
Best Viewed: with a Dr. Pepper, a cookie, happy music, and a cheerful spirit.

I was trying to look like a monkey…..but oh well.

Hehe, this one (above) just makes me laugh.

facebook picture.

this one (above) makes me laugh so hard because I think my face was stuck like this between the ages of 12-15.

my personal favorite.

You probably won’t see or here from me until the end of next week sometime. As of now, finals control my thoughts.
Wednesday cannot come sooner.
Okay, thats all I have.
Tee, hee. I am bored.

The word of the LORD came to me, saying,”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”
But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Sometimes I don’t understand your plan. It can be frustrating, confusing, and awful lonely. I know you have an amazing plan, one that right now I just can’t see. Maybe I don’t need to see it, maybe I need to trust you. You are moving, this I know, in ways that right now I cannot see. You are God, my love, my comfort, and pasture maker; you are good. Meanwhile I am here, trusting you.

~

God never ceases to amaze me. He is good, and loving, and faithfully himself. He is once again gently reminding me that I need to trust Him, for He is good. These past few years I had a huge problem with giving him my complete future. Lately I have been so focused on giving him everything in my future that I forgot to give him everything in the here and now. He is so patient with me, it makes me love him even more.

Today in class my missions teacher made a statement related to missions that caused me to really think. He said: “Being in the center of God’s will can be the most dangerous place to be. But, you are in his will, which is the best place to be.”

My mom is coming to visit tomorrow!!!
Ohhhh I am so excited. This is a much needed visit and a huge answer to prayer. Yay.

So I decorated my dorm door tonight for a contest that we had on my hall.

I had to be creative.

Creative.

Like as in arts and crafts.

Seriously.

I am not a craft person. That is my mother’s job. It’s not my fault I am not crafty, its genetic. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

So my door ended up being the conversation between Charlie Brown and Linus about the true meaning of Christmas, and the passage from Luke. At the bottom there was a cross and verses about missions. So it pretty much turned into a missions door instead of a Christmas door. A girl walked by today and looked at it and was like ‘man, you can tell your a Cross-Cultural Missions major’. It was funny. It was even more funny because I had no clue who the girl was.
Okay, now I have to go study for finals.

p.s. my french teacher lost our French exam from last week. It he can’t find it, we all get A’s on our exam. Oh sweet Jesus please let those tests not be found.

After spending pretty much the whole day studying, I am tired, but almost done. Classes start back tomorrow. In a way I am ready for things to get back to normal, I miss being in class. In other news, this little guy makes me pretty happy whenever I look at him.

Does anyone actually understand the true need for truth tables?? My math exam Monday is going to kill me. So this is me, procrastinating, and finding pointless things to do other than studying about truth tables that I don’t understand. After this comes French, and an oral exam on telling time in French, which is much harder than it sounds. I have a cold, I can’t have a cold, I have finals in a week and a half, I can’t have a cold. Gah, I am whiney.

I really have nothing profound to say, nothing that will inspire, but something that has been on my heart.
Tonight I found myself on the phone with my mother and words came out of my mouth that I never expected to. “But mom, it is so hard, these girls are so beautiful.” I couldn’t believe I said it until it came out of my mouth. Me, Addi, the girl who had it together in this area. The one who didn’t care, and thought vanity was so stupid. I guess I was wrong, very wrong.
But here comes the good part. The part I love, the rescuer that came and saved me. He only came and spoke one short, small sentence. But in my heart, it spoke volumes.

Oh Addi, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

It was the key that unlocked some doors I did not realize would open.

He is my conqueror, protector, and friend.

I have missed photography…..more than I even imagined.