Saturday, January 7, 2006

Yes it is very late and I should be in bed but I can't sleep. The girl in the room next to mine likes to listen to her music loud at night while she sleeps. So therefore I cannot sleep. Although I am coming to believe that I think she is just doing it because she knows it makes me mad. :-)
Anyhow, I was sitting here, thinking, looking at old pictures and such. My dad got some random flim developed the other day and it was pictures of when you came for my I believe 14th birthday. You gave me 14 presents for each year you wern't able to. (We should try that again sometime. just kidding.)
Lately I have been thinking what it would be like for me to be pregnant right now, what I would do, the decisions I would have to make. I realized then how hard it would be to place a baby at that young of an age. I would not be able to make choices like those. I am still very much a child. Then God reminded me that you were only a few years older than I when you had to make those though choices. A wave of sadness swept over me as I thought about this. But it didn't last for long. Then I felt so proud of you. I am proud of you.
You are an amazing person for what you did. You wanted a better life for me, a life you knew you wouldn't be able to offer. I do recall you saying that if you would have kept me we would have been living in a van, down by the river. :-)
And because of that, I am in an amazing place today. God is working in my life is some ways I never would have thought possible. It occured to me that I don't think I have ever thanked you for what you did. For making that decision to place me for adoption. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
God still uses you now, even when you are not even here. In passing I found a valentine you sent me quite a few years ago that said some things that truly touched my heart. I was younger then and did not quite understand all the love put into the valentine, but reading it now, I do. You are an amazing person, and I love you for it.
And again, thank you.
Love, Me

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