I love how after spending time with God I come back refreshed and encouraged. I also love how God can use members of my family to guide and counsel me. My dad is so wise, I pray that my future husband will be as wise.

As an ?undecided religion major? I knew I would run into this, but I never realized how discouraging it would be. Lately as I have gotten closer to God, it seems like the legalism of Christianity have been weighing me down and getting in the way. After studying and restudying the theology of the SBC and Christianity for the the past year and a half; it seems like God has been less personal and unapproachable. Discouraged, I called my Dad and talked to him about it. He had some very insightful words. He reminded me that although I will have to read the Bible from a theological standpoint for my classes, I need to learn how to separate that from reading the Bible for my quiet time. I need to find a happy medium, where, in the end, it is just me and God in my times alone with Him, and nothing else. Yes people may have differing views over certain passages, but the Holy Spirit speaks personally to the believer and to read the Bible from that standpoint, and to not read it as a Southern Baptist, as a Calvinist, etc., but to read it as a believer yearning for truth. This may not make sense on the proverbial paper, but it does make sense in my heart; and that is what matters.

I?m like the Prodigal Son who has returned??that is returned to the School of Christian Service with my tail between my legs.

I have NO idea what I was thinking. I don?t think it ever clicked how hard BioChem was going to be. On top of that my advisor was so not helpful, and I was left feeling stressed out already and feeling way discouraged. I think that me being a doctor was MY plan and not God?s. All I know is that when I left after changing my classes, it felt like a HUGE weight had lifted from my shoulders.

So right now I am ?undecided? and back to having mostly Bible classes, which I LOVE. So I will spend this semester in prayer and seeking God for what He wants me to do.

I have come to the conclusion that this semester and on are going to be really hard on me. I told my mom tonight that I can going to need to hear ?you can do it? daily, because satan is already trying to tell me that I can?t.

I know I am a smart girl. But sometimes it is so hard. I know I can do this, I know I can.

Sidenote: my amazing sister made my weekend soooooo good. I love her so much. She is probably the coolest 16 year old I have ever met.

I don?t know why but the evil one is escalating. Maybe it is because I am truly wanting to follow Christ with a passion, maybe it is because I am setting out to pursue God?s plan for me, maybe, maybe, maybe??.

The prince of darkness may have dominion over this world, but God reigns over him and so much more. The Lord is my light and my salvation, of whom shall I fear??? Amen? Amen.

Besides, I?ve read the book, and I know what happens to satan in the end.

Sooooooo I am all moved in. It?s weird to think that I am an upperclassmen now. I don?t feel like I am old enough to be in college yet, let alone, be a sophomore. I really do love being back here, but I do miss my family as well. I guess you can?t have the best of both worlds, its either one or the other. But, this is where God wants me at the moment, so I am growing where I have been planted.

My room is amazing. We have the largest one in the dorm. I love it. My roommate is in a mood today. Its a good thing that I?ve known her for a year, and am used to her moods, otherwise this would be really bad. I know it will all be better in a few days, and I can handle them fine, its just that I wish she would let me into her world, and let me love on her. I?m not offended, because she lets very few people get close. And I do get glimpses of her heart every now and then, but it goes as quickly as it comes. So for now I am content in being her friend from afar and showing her my love in any way I can. Which means NO hugging, random dance moves, chattiness, or snuggling??.everything that I am about. We are so different; like night and day. Sometimes I wonder how God even put us together, then other times I am reminded how much I really do love her. We get along really well to be so different, and she is easy to read, so I know when to stay away. And she puts up with my random stupid comments, and those mornings when I can?t find the right outfit to wear.

Classes are going well. Civ brings out my ADDness, which is no good. I?m not sleeping well at night, and nightmares are invading my dreams. Bad nightmares at that. But my time with God lately has been good, so I understand my sleeplessness at night; satan dosen?t like the road I am traveling down. A few days ago I was planning out my desk calendar, and on the side margin I randomly wrote down a quote from scripture. I didn?t know the passage, or the rest of the verse, and really wasn?t sure why I wrote it down. Later on that evening I read my birthmom?s blog and saw a passage that caught my eye. That night I sat down to do my quiet time and God directed me to that exact verse as I read on her blog, and what I wrote down on my calendar. The verse was Zeph. 3:17

?The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.?

For some reason that fourth line really stuck out to me. What does it mean for God to quiet you with His love? I found my answer, but for now I am going to keep it to myself. But know that He is teaching me silence, and I am learning to be quieted by His love.

So now that everything is settled and moved in, here are pictures of our amazing room!!!

The room when you walk in, and my cozy bed!!!

Closet

Door to bathroom, sink, bookshelf, and end of my bed.

Lisa and her side of the room.

Close up of my desk.

Bookshelf closeup, the top shelf and bottom one are mine.

Looking at the front door. (We have polka dots all across the tops of the walls. Very cute)

Bathroom door and sink, you can see me in the mirror.

Close up of my bed!!

My favorite pillows!!!! The red one with the flower has a really good verse on it. I found it at LifeWay Christian Bookstore for only 5 dollars!

So now that school has started and everything is settled I am beginning to see what my year is going to look like. Civ and Chemistry are really going to keep me busy. Its weird to think that I am an upperclassmen now. There is a lot going on in my mind that I want to share, but I have a mountain of reading left to do. Sooooo here?s to ?maybe later?.

WOW. That is the only word I can think of to describe God right now. Wow.

For the past 9 or 10 months I had been praying that a door would be opened so I might share God?s love.

The door got opened.

At midnight last night I received a text message from my half sister Alyssa. She loves to text message so we are talking over that and through myspace. It was so out of the blue, I haven?t spoken to her in over a year. But I have noticed that sometimes out of the blue things can really be ?God things? in disguise.

Thank you sweet Jesus.

Please, please, please pray that her sweet heart may be receptive and that I may share without being overbearing. Pray that I may be able to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and to her needs and be able to minister to her.

This has been a burden that has been on my heart for over a year now, and I think I might have finally received my chance. My birthdad kept shutting me down, and I felt very defeated. Maybe this is God working through a different route.

God is so good, no?

So this is what my CRAZY schedule looks like for the next week:

Thursday: shop for school supplies/ pack/ Speechless practice

Friday: Fish Fry/Speechless/ HSM2 (ha)/packing

Saturday: Moving back to bison hill!!!!!!!!

Sunday: unpacking at school/driving back to madill/ shopping for school stuff

Monday: Un Cuerpo/ Phi Lamb Recruitment/ helping my roomie move in

Tuesday: Rest!!!

Wednesday: First day of classes!!

Thursday: First Phi Lamb meeting/ getting ready for RUSH!

So it may not look too busy but it really is, and I am so excited about it. God has some amazing things planned this semester and even though it may be a really difficult semester, I think I am prepared.

~

I love having really, really good dreams. Can God send dreams, no matter how silly, to give you hope for the future when it seems lost?

I wish so badly that I could learn to think before I speak. Its what gets me in trouble 99.9% of the time.

End of story.

~

Yes! He loved her all along!! I am so glad that the book ended exactly how I wanted it to. I do believe it is my new favorite. Anne was so naive and sweet, and so terribly afraid that Captain Wentworth was still angry at her. But he wasn?t!! I am so happy. Now, I am off to start Emma. I have been told that I will like it a lot.

~

I have also been looking at some pre-med summer internships. I found one at Baylor that I like a lot. It is a 13 week program in Huston, and you get paid too. It is still weird to think that by next summer I have to start preparing for medical school by researching potential med schools, studying for MCAT, etc. It feels a whole lot like when I was in high school, preparing for college?..I guess you could say high school 2.0.

~

I leave for school in three and a half days. Summer, where did you go?? It seems like yesterday that I left school. Granted I am pretty dang excited about school this year. I have an amazing roommate, an incredible dorm, and lots of things going on with Phi Lamb; including rush week.

?LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.?

-Psalm 16:6-7

Tonight I found one of my old journals and sat down and went through it. Its funny how the things that were important to me in 2003 are no longer as important to me now, in 2007. I can see how I have grown, but more importantly, I can see the seeds that God was planting in me so long ago.

This month God has spoken to me a lot about contentment. I am learning to be content even when things are not exactly bright and sunny. Even in my journals back then, when things were going sour, or I had a bad day, the boundary lines still fell in pleasant places. I can see Him there, working quietly, and putting up with my petty problems and immaturity. Those seeds He planted then that I was unaware of are now sprouting up and beginning to grow.

Tonight I read through pages where I so earnestly sought the Lord about my future and what He had for me. Then there were other areas where I stated that all I wanted in life was a VW Bug, a ?hott? husband, and to be a CIA agent. Wow, how things have changed. My future has changed, and even though I have only gotten a peak behind the curtain at the picture He is painting, that small peak showed me something beautiful and exciting.

I know that my painting will be beautiful. I can see that by looking back, by looking the edges of the painting that make up my childhood and early teen years. Yes there are some dark spots where my selfish sinful nature took over, but He was with me through it all. He made those ugly paint spots into something pure and spotless. He truly has made my lot secure and those lines have fallen in pleasant places. How can I not be content when I have God constantly beside me and working in my life??

I guess to sum it all up it takes faith to be content. Contentment dosen?t come automatically, it is learned. Even the apostle Paul said that. It takes faith to trust that even though you may not be able to see God moving, that He is. He is always there even if it is in the background, or in the dark and sad times, or even in the times of rejoicing.

Those boundary lines in my life are made up of paintbrush strokes, and from what I can see right now, He is making it into something beautiful.