I'm coping....but not really.
I make jokes about it and things like that, but when people try to ask me questions about my upcoming surgery I usually end up giving one word answers and change the subject.
I know its so not healthy, but its working for me.
I tried looking up my type of heart condition online last night, but I don't know the exact type of condition that I have. It may sound strange, but for me to accept all this, I really need for it to have a name.
It dosen't feel like it is happening to me. It dosen't seem like in less than 3 weeks I will place my life in the hands of a team of physicians. I don't feel like I am about to have an operation costing over $1 million. Geez. I'm so jacked up.
In my psychology textbook there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think I have gone through the first four several times. I haven't reached acceptance quite yet. I guess the only way to describe it is that I feel numb.
Yeah.
Me and denial?? We're pretty much BFF. We are thinking about getting matching tattoos.
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