I'm home by myself tonight. I love my roommates, but it is nice to be alone for a little while. Living in an apartment with three popular girls has been interesting. I have met more boys this week than I have while being at OBU these past two years put together. This semester has been so different than the others. I'm much busier, and my classes are harder. I do enjoy my classes this year though. I feel better too. Its such a new and amazing feeling. I actually have energy now, and feel like doing things. Its insane how much my heart affects the rest of my body.

I received some news today that put a damper on things though. I went to see the professor that I work for today, and found out that I may no longer have a job. I was pretty heartbroken. I loved the job, and not to brag, but I was amazing at it. She even said more than once that I was the best assistant she had ever had. The program that I helped assist is on the chopping block, ergo my job will no longer be needed. Since this was my only source of income, it looks like I am going to have to start looking again. I know God will provide, but still, I am pretty bummed. I don't have time for an off-campus job, and jobs working for professors are hard to find. But God will provide.

I organized my room this evening. Everything is all put up, my desk is how I like it, and I found my local classical/NPR radio station that I love. And I'm eating Frosted Flakes, life couldn't get any better. :)

I think before I go to medical school, I want to be an Au Pair for a year. That would be the most amazing job ever.

Apartment Pictures

BathroomLiving Room

Other view of the living room

Kitchen

Health food cereal and my Frosted Flakes. (I haven't had the heart to tell them that is not how my name is spelled.)

Bedroom

Nightstand and pictures of some of the most important people to me.

Desks

Desk.

Closet

The End.

I'm back at school. To be quite honest I am not completely thrilled about being back. I don't know my roommates, but they all know each other, and its so awkward. I miss my parents, Eli, sweet Dyson, my birthmom, and my best friends at home, and Ray. But its going to be okay. I can feel God with me all the time. Even though I feel like I could cry at anytime, I still have peace. Its like it was after I woke up from my surgery. My world was so sad, but I still had peace.

I saw my two best friends. I was so good to see them again. They are both so beautiful and loving.

Introducing

It is so hard going somewhere you really don't want to go. I know I will be fine when I get there, but, I so don't want to go.
I feel ridiculous. I didn't even feel like this Freshman year. I suppose I became attached to my family more than I realized.
My mom, and my best friend are taking me. Speaking of the best friend, you should check out Diary of a (Somewhat) Mad Black Woman. After much begging she finally started a blog. :) I've been working on my dad too, but sadly, he keeps shutting me down every time I ask. Goodness how I would love to see the things he would write. :)

I got my hair cut too. It took me most of the evening to like it, but now I do. Its different, a little shorter, and thinner. I still want to grow it out so I didn't do anything too drastic. At first I wanted to throw up because I thought I looked like this punk skater kid/Japanese anime girl, but it has grown on me since then. I no longer think that I look like I should buy leather and write dark poetry, so life is much better.

I leave to move back in a little over three hours...........Hummmm.

God, I'm really struggling.
I SO don't want to go back to school.
Please help.

Jesus, thank you for:

-laughter
-shopping
-a listening ear
-lasting, unconditional love
-hugs
-pictures
-light blue folders with pockets and brads
-Italian food
-lovely weather
-meaningful, filling, conversations

Tonight while everyone and their mama is at the OBHG Fish Fry, I am babysitting the little ones who cannot be out in the heat for long periods of time. The two boys are good pals with Eli, so they are playing in his room, and require little supervision. The younger girls that are 2 and 3 are under my watch. So I turned on the Goodnight Show on Sprout and they fell asleep thirty minutes in. Yesssssssssssssss. I was such a happy girl. So now I am sitting watching Kipper, a show about a Beagle who speaks in a British accent.

I want a dog that speaks in a British accent.

I've also recently discovered Etsy. It is so amazing. I showed it to my mother and her eyes got all large and glassy. She was excited too.

Now Calliou is on. Geeze, if my kid has a voice like his, I'm pretty sure I'll shoot myself in the head. Whiney, little bratty kid.

I see my easy load....

Over the past several days I have transfered all my archives from wordpress to blogger.
4 years of posts.
Transfered ALL BY HAND.
Oh. My. Goodness.

It took forever, and was so freaking ghetto.
But it is done, and I couldn't be happier.

It was interesting to go back and skim over 4 years worth of posts. I was so emo in 2006, and in 2007 I over analyzed everything. And it was such a bad hair year for me. I can see in the Fall of 2007 where I was so tired and had no energy, which I thought was me being lazy but in reality was my heart beating out of control.
Looking back I see how much I have grown up. I see places where I wish I could go back and tell myself, "Girl don't waste your time, he is such a pig." But I went through all those things for a reason, and I see that know.

~
I love watching the Olympics. My Dad use to fence in highschool. We were watching women's fencing today and he was getting all into it. It was funny. I had no clue swordplay could cause you to sweat so much. Either that or Chinese women have profuse sweating issues.
~
Jesus,
Can my future husband be a competitive swimmer??
Because they are so dang beautiful.
Thanks, I appreiciate it.
Love,
Addi

"I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor

I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door"

I love this song. It is amazing. Please, listen. 

I am also writing music lyrics again. It came back and I am so happy.

Now you're working in a bank, a family man, a football fan, and your name is Harry.....

Remind me again why I chose to stay and go to college in a state that is so freaking hot??? Maybe I should go to a PA program where it does not get over 80 degrees in the summer. That would be perfectly fine with me.


This heat is ridiculous.


The new X-Files movie left me sorely disappointed. It was good, but not X-Files good. Yes, I realize that it is a bit ridiculous that I have been a closet X-Files fan for some five years now, but I am learning to accept it.

I am falling in love with orla kiely. Her bags are so beautiful, the Etc collection is my favorite.

My mom and I are going shopping in the city on Thursday. Friday family comes in from K.C., then Saturday is her surprise party.

Mamma Mia does get my two thumbs up. I liked it overall, and am choosing to ignore the fact that Colin Firth was homosexual in the movie. Don't take me wrong, I have no problem with people who choose to be that way, even though I don't agree with it. But there is just something wrong with him playing a gay man. It took me the entire length of the movie to figure it out. Once I realized it my jaw dropped and I let out a "You've got to be kidding me," right in the middle of the theater. He is, and will always be beautiful, straight, and Mr. Darcy; regardless of who he plays in other movies.

Bahahahahaha I love singing to him. He secretly loves it too.

Summer, please go away. I miss Fall so terribly, we were made for each other.

Rabid Chicken

My brother and I maintain a pretty close relationship. Ever since my surgery he has slept with me almost every night. He likes it because he gets to stay up later, and I don't like sleeping by myself because of my heart, so it works out.

I love it when he sleeps with me because he tends to let down his I'm-a-cool-eleven-year-old facade and actually talks to me. Some nights when he is in an extra good mood he lets me play his most treasured video games, and beats the bad guys for me that I can never seem to win, or he reads the latest Hardy Boys Adventure.

But during all this he lets me know what is on his heart. He tells me the things that excite him, new video games that come out, why Nick Jonas is amazing and should get over Miley and move on (why this fascinates him is beyond me, especially since I have an extreme dislike for all things Jonas), and on occasion he mentions his scum of a birthmom. It breaks my heart to hear the pain in his voice when he talks about her. I've told him more than once that if I could trade birthmoms with him I would in a heartbeat. He has never known the joy in having a stable and Godly birthmom like I have. He truly has a tender heart that I pray never becomes calloused and hard.

Wow, that was a post that came out of nowhere.

In other news, here is what has been going on in my life lately:

• I have learned so much about who I am.
• I have seen the lies I've been telling myself all these years.
• I'm in the midst of planning a surprise party for my mom.
• I'm going to Utah to go visit the sperm donor birthdad in October.
• School starts in 25 days and I am still homeless.
• My jaw hurts really bad.
• I've written my own personal manifesto.
• I am choosing to ignore the fact that the unabomber and Hitler had manifestos.
• My excuse is I wrote it without the intention of it being a manifesto.
• My almost 11 year old brother is asleep beside me. I love it when he is asleep because it is the only time I can steal kisses from him.
• I miss learning. School needs to hurry up.
• I bought an annotated copy of Pride and Prejudice.
• I am going to start memorizing the Periodic Table this week so I won't have to when school starts.
• I slept out in the living room with my sisters last night.
  
• I woke myself and them all up this morning at six laughing oh so loudly.
  
• What was my dream about?? A rabid chicken was chasing me and I had it go attack my cousin who was taking a nap. It was such a stinking funny dream, which is so ironic because I am terrified of all things birds. :)