what would do if I sang out of tune?

Today has been one of those days where everything goes right. I love days like that.

The best friend jumped on the blogging bandwagon. That's going to be an interesting read.

I am the proud new owner of an ipod touch. I'm not going to lie, it is freaking amazing. I had long ago run out of room on my old one, so I figured it was time for an upgrade, and I had the money so I went for it.

I spent a good 45 minutes in my English professor's office today. We talked about my long paper for about 20 minutes, then we talked about other stuff. We share a mutual appreciation for all things Apple. He commented that his new Mac was sexy, and I so didn't expect him to say anything along those lines. I just gave this awkward laugh and changed the subject. It was so funny, and so awkward. Then he told me the story of how He and his wife met. It was so romantic.

My mom is coming tomorrow. I am so happy. We are going to play in the city after my doctor's appointment I think. Exciting.

Summer, you need to get your rear in gear and hurry up.
16 more days.

I accidentally left the power cord to my mac at home this past weekend. I ran out of juice on my laptop this evening. Now I am having to slum it on a PC in the dorm computer lab. I never thought I would reach such lows again.

So pretty much everything is still up in the air about this summer. I talked to my partner today, and she might end up going to a whole different part of the world. You would think I would be freaking out but I am so at peace with it all. Which is so not me.

Eh, I have to go find out if my heart needs a tune up Wednesday. Hopefully it can be resolved with medicine rather than pulling out the big guns.

I've....

I've read over 105 books. And that is just off the top of my head, and not including all the books I read in my childhood.So probably I've read a good 400-500 books total.
Sometimes I wonder why reading is one of my passions. I have always loved to read. When I was little my friends would play outside or with other toys while I preferred to read. I think I tend to live vicariously through my books. There is so many different lives I would love to live, but not forever. Granted, I love the life I have, and I wouldn't change it for anything. But, the life of another can be so glamorous and splendid, so it is fun to experience it only for a little while. Through my books I've fallen in love with Mr. Darcy, become a bug, traveled to China, lived on the Titanic, took part in an expedition to Africa, witnessed a bull fight, flown to Neverland, and lived under a Totalitarian regime. I enjoyed all of these things, but am always glad to come back to the life I have. Its like Ernie on Sesame Street; I'd like to visit the moon, but I don't think I'd like to live there.

The Books I wrote about:
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka)
Joy Luck Club (Amy Tan)
Voyage on the Great Titanic (Ellen White)
The Heart of Darkness (Joseph Conrad)
The Sun Also Rises (Earnest Hemingway)
Peter Pan (J.M. Barrie)
1984 (George Orwell)

Unknown Variable

Thirty-Eight days.
Thirty-eight very short days till I leave on a plane for two months.
You know what the exciting part is?
I have no idea where I will be spending those two months.
God has a way of teaching me.
If you anything about me you you know that I am a planner.
I have to know the plan.
I make lists about things, and lists about those lists.
So this 'not knowing' has been an interesting time for me.
But I am trusting.
I know God has a plan, and I know that I will be okay.
Trusting also makes everything a little more mysterious and exciting.
And I'm learning to embrace the mysterious.

Thank you....

Thank you God for life, Wedding Cake snowcones, music, hugs, thunderstorms, faithfulness, flip flops, and best friends like her.

"and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
-Ranier Maria Rilke
Letters to a Young Poet

p.s. happy earth day.
p.s.s. don't send my parents a 'happy earth day' card, they might just go postal on you. :)

I turned in my paper proposal today, I think I did a good job on it, but we shall see.

I got a C+ on my civ test, only two mere points away from a B. It was pure torture for me.

Of course, my air conditioner would quit working the week it is the hottest it all been all freaking year. Its a good thing I don't have a roommate, because I have been pretty much been wear little to no clothes.

I got to catch up on the second season of The Tudors today, I was a happy girl.

Things with the parentals are good, awkward, but good.

Duck and Cover. Because it's a good thing our bodies can withstand 1,000's degrees of heat and kilotons of explosive force, otherwise duck and cover would be useless.

Three more weeks of school, then finals, then I leave for Scotland. I cannot express to you how ready I am to go. It is going to be interesting being on my own some 4,000 miles away from anyone I know. I have been starting to buy things for my trip and have been researching different packing methods, and what to take with you. Yes, I'm a nerd.

I bought a bright yellow raincoat for Scotland today.

Its amazing.

Mon Essentiel

Life right now? Amazing.
I love my friends so, so, so much.
I love where I am right now. And I love that I am single. I see my friends that have boyfriends and it seems so complicated and time consuming and messy. So not for me, for right now at least.

Emmanuel Moire=LOVE
(link)

Sanctuary

Sanc-tu-a-ry, n.;

a place of refuge and protection; shelter


I love my room, my bed, and my special window at sunset.
All is good and right in this place.
I think I look funny when I sleep, but I really liked the colors in the picture, so oh well.

Sickness Ramblings

I hate being sick, I truly do. I had been trying to ignore it all week but this morning I woke up and felt five kinds of terrible. So I bit the bullet and went to the doctor to find out I have strep. So I have been holed up in my room all day.......I hate being sick.
But as much as I hate being sick, I will have to admit it has been nice to spend a day doing nothing, like the following:

• Eating only chocolate donuts because that is the only thing that tastes even remotely good.
  
• Reading for fun, something that I have not had the luxury to do in a long time.
  
• Not get out of bed all day.
• Snuggle underneath my covers and watch the second season of The O.C. while it is raining outside.
  

• Drift in and out of sleep without having to worry about setting an alarm.

Loving the Best That I Possibly Can...

I'm a truth seeker, I always have been.

Ever since I was little I felt like it was up to me to search for it. The world counted on me. Now, granted, I do realize that most of my truth seeking was for me, myself, and I, but nevertheless I still continually search. I guess it is the way God made me; I'm always looking.

We live in a postmodern world. I first heard that term when I was fourteen at summer camp. I remember thinking it was such a revolutionary idea and even though I had no clue what it meant, it sounded exciting and I wanted to be apart of it. Sometimes it amazes me how foolish I was back then, but that is not the point. I suppose now, at almost 20, I have a little more of a handle on what post modernism is.
We live in a world with little absolutes. Everything has gone out the window. No longer are we a people defined by our religion, thoughts, or ideas like it was in the past. We are just a bunch of mixed up lost people looking for truth in a world of a million opinions.
I was talking with a friend this afternoon, and she commented on the large American flag that proudly waves in the center of our campus. "Big Brother is always watching our every move," she commented. Although she said it flippantly, she got me thinking. What if it wasn't there, how would people truly act? I'm not talking about the actual flag but the meaning behind it. What if we lived in a world without police, laws, and order? Without constraint we are by nature evil people. I believe this without a shadow of a doubt.
Some days we are so quick to judge people in other situations, but yet we fail to put ourselves in their shoes. We fail to be human. After reading Mein Kampf and understanding Hitler's power and persuasiveness, I am certain that if I was a German living in that time under that type of propaganda, I would probably have just as much hatred towards differing ideologies, and would have favored antisemitism whole heartedly. Why? Because I am a fallen, evil human.
Man is not good. The naive side of me wants to believe that there is some part in man that is good, but there isn't. We are a fallen world. But that leads me to my next question:
Who are we as Christians to cast the first stone?
I believe that the biggest roadblock today for unbelievers is the fallacy of the Christian. So many people are turned off by the masquerade that is preformed weekly in our churches, myself included. Its a big reason I've quit going to my local church lately. I'm just not impressed.
As Christians we go out and evangelize as "Holy Warriors", breaking down doors of the 'dark side'. But, is that the route we need to be going? I don't think so.
This past week has been a whirlwind of thoughts going on inside my head. Everything I once knew about evangelism has now been thrown out the window. I believe that we should all stop and try to see how we look like to the world. Christians, we need a new game plan.
We need to get off our pedestals and start being human. No one is going to want to listen to someone who is above them. But, they will listen to someone who is beside them. Someone who is willing to say, "hey, I've been there". We need to be their friend first, rather than their evangelist. We need to love, and let them see our love. Planting seeds doesn't require words necessarily, sometimes all it requires is an action.
Love is a action, man, all we need is love.............. :)

I'm not proud of myself for coming to these conclusions, I wish I didn't have to come to it. I am not some brilliant thinker. I'm just a girl, who is just as a horrible sinner as the prostitute down the street.

But, I feel like I am being real with myself for the first time in a long time, and it feels really, really good.

This is why I love Beth Moore. She explains how I love God.

Only God can put the pieces of our heart back together again, close up all the wounds, and bind it with a porous bandage that protects the heart from infection but keeps it free to inhale and exhale love.

I am thankful God allows darkness to follow rebellion, because sometimes He uses darkness to lead us to the light.

No matter how long we struggle, God is not giving up on us.

He may allow the life of a captive to grow more and more difficult so that she will be more desperate to do what freedom in Christ requires.

You say you want a revolution....

I got so much done this weekend, I love feeling productive. But unfortunately the things that I did get done did not include my large pile of homework.
I leave for Scotland/Manchester in roughly 61 days. I am so very nervous and excited all at the same time.

I had an interesting moment while driving around campus with my windows rolled down the other day. Some random guy walked by my car, winked, and gave me a 'sup, girl?'......no comment.

There was also FBI/Police Dogs in front of one of the buildings that my class was in, not sure why they were there.

After talking about it extensively with the parentals they gave me the okay to enroll in night school to become an EMT next fall. My reasons we very valid. One, it looks really good to have 1000+ patient care hours to put on my application for the PA program. Two, it is a great side job to have. And three, I can take it at night and take 13 hours at OBU next fall.

Girls can be so shallow. Gah, its been almost a month, you would think that this would be over. People, junior high called, they want their drama back.

messiness

Room, why do you get so messy? Its not like I have anything to do with it. :)