I do realize that this picture has nothing to do with what I am about to write, but I will just have to live with that.
So many things are going through my head right now, I wish I could make them all stop and have peace for a moment. My heart hurts right now, for reasons I am having a hard time explaining. God is working in me and I can feel it, but right now the feelings I am harboring are frustrating. There are times in my life, (occurring more often as of late) that I want to be grown up. I cannot tell you how many people have told me not to wish that, to enjoy my childhood because it will go away quickly; but the thing is I am not enjoying my childhood. I am ready to grow up and start a life of my own.
My greatest want in life is to be married and have children, and I know God will grant me that in time because it is the desire of my heart, but the waiting part is getting to me. As much as I want to be grown up I know that I am not yet ready. I am not both emotionally ready nor am I mature enough. I still have some growing up to do, things to learn and experience.
I know that before I ever get married I need to learn to go to God first when I am feeling upset, scared, lonely, happy, angry, ect. I am learning that, but it takes time.
I wish I could jump ahead five years, away from all the immature drama that floods my life.
I wish I could just fast forward through this period and get to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Lord, please grant me patience, please.
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