My Lovely Genesis

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
-Matthew 6: 24

Okay for me its not the issue of money, but then what is it? I know God is speaking to me, telling me that I need to lay down some idols; but what, I don’t know. Yes I have made some life changes, ones that will glorify God more, but there are other areas in my heart that I am so confused about. What does true Passion look like? I want to know so badly. I want to go deeper. I’ve asked, but it is so hard to want to do something, or go somewhere, without the blueprints, or the map.

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Romans 7:14-20

Sometimes I feel so much like Paul in the passage above. I feel like I am out here spinning my wheels because I just honestly don’t know where to go. Guidance, discernment, and all that is hard to find and is causing fear and doubt in my heart. Sometimes, deep inside, a little part of me misses being a baby Christian, where my talks with God were innocent and, I suppose, young. In the midst of all of it, it becomes hard to not be bitter towards myself. But I stop, because that is when the deceiver comes and whispers ‘give up’; and that is not going to happen.
Oh how I hate the selfish sinner that I can be/am! Truly, I don’t deserve the grace of God, but He still loves me, and it amazes me and makes my heart sing.

So even though this is a pretty jumbled post, it paints a pretty good picture of what is going on in my heart.

I want to go deeper.
I want to be passionate.
I want to discover my idols so that I may lay them down at His feet.
I want to stop being confused.
I want to know Him.

The End.