I am starting to feel like Solomon when he wrote Ecclesasties. Nothing here is worth living for. Everything is meaningless. So if everything is meaningless, then why am I holding onto it so tightly? Why am I running from Him when he is the only thing worth living for?
I guess I am feeling a little blue. Everything is crazy, friends are coming, and going, without saying goodbye. As of now I have only one friend who I can truly count on. Things are changing so much for her, that I am afraid I might lose her as well.
I am starting to realize that your actions effect other people than just yourself. Doing what you want to do, because it will make you happy for that moment, can be horribly selfish, and cause hurt to others.
Saying goodbye has become a common thing for me lately. I knew it would happen. But that still does not take the pain away. The only solid foundation I have right now is my God. It hurts to be humbled. Being alone is one of my biggest fears, and now it is becoming a reality. The people I did consider close friends, are no longer, and have moved on. Now I still see them often, but things have happened, and we went different directions.
I am tired of this run, I am ready to slow down to a walk.
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