The evening in the valley was beautiful. The drive in your car with the windows unrolled belting out your favorite song, kind of beautiful. It truly felt like spring. The wind blew gently, and they stars were out; shining brightly. I could see the fingerprints of God everywhere. By looking up at the stars, I don't see how anyone can say that there is no God. Looking at His creation in the sky takes my breath away, time after time. I am slowly regaining that once lost passion for the Lord. I cannot tell you how much this excites me.
I can see a journey ahead. A journey that is coming up soon, and will last a week or so. It will be hard, but I know that the outcome of it will be well worth it. In a way I am looking forward to it. Seeking the Lord, and his will for my life, words cannot describe.
Someone told me the other day that they enjoyed the beat of my heart. It made me smile because I felt touched, then I inwardly giggled because it reminded me of that one Hilary Duff song Beat of My Heart. Yes, that is the way my mind works.

My cousin Candice, is pictured in this article. I thought it was pretty neat, considering the circumstances. She is in the second picture in the article here.

I should have gone to bed hours ago, but I needed time to slow down. These past five days have seemed like a blur. I needed time to reorganize, it that makes sense.
It is hard to believe that I have lived in my new home for almost ten months. I keep telling people that 'I have just moved here', but yet in a way it is not true. A whole year has almost passed, and I am no longer new. I guess time has passed so quickly that I did not even notice it. But then there were times, during those rough storms, that time seemed to drag on.
I can officially say that I have passed my stage of 'wanting to move on'. I have become thankful for this point in my life, and am starting to look at what God is teaching me. I guess if you could describe the past few days in short phrases; it would go something like this:

speechless practice

crawling under electric fences to witness

helping a friend move

visiting

being chased by a dog

widget

sleep

ikea

69 more days till I graduate....
It is really hard to believe. That is a little under ten weeks.

Things to Do Before Friday:
-Get ahead in school work
-Finish Laundry
-Clean room
-Make Princess Pictures Disc for Mel
-Practice my Faith Presentation
-Get the security tag off new jacket
-Study for Spanish Exam
-Pack

Sigh, I am back into my wanting a puppy mode. But for now, I shall stick with my companion, Ambrose the fish.

So I have become nocturnal....

My body is exhausted, but my mind is running rampant, and quite alert.
I won't lie, today was pretty much awful. Doing the right thing can truly stink. This problem has been an ongoing problem, that has lasted many months. Now, I truly believe that it is over, and a wave of relief has swept over me. A so called friend told me that I was a liar, a rumor spreader, and a horrible friend. She told me that she did not want to be my friend anymore because I looked down on her lifestyle. Although she said these hurtful, mean, untrue things; I couldn't have been happier. I did the right thing, the thing that God wanted me to do, and that is all that matters.
Yet again, one more slash on the loss of friends scorecard. But it is all okay, because He taught me something very amazing, something I needed to learn. I have been putting too much trust in my friendships, and not in God. Nothing here is truly worth living for. That has been the subject of my writing over the past while. I can't fix everything, and believe it or not, God can manage to handle my problems without my help. That was a big shocker for me.
I have started to read 'Returning to Holiness' by Gregory R. Fizzell. It has made for an awesome book. Over the past months I have been beginning to see that our country is full of sleeping churches. I truly think that God would truly bless our country in ways we could never imagine, if we just truly repented and became clean. He has become distant because of our sin, there is nothing wrong with him, its us.

"Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear."

Isaiah 59:1-2

He is going to use me in ways I don't know, but I know he will. I am thankful for the chance to spread his name to the world, to proclaim his good news. It breaks my heart to think of so many people in this world, that have not experienced the grace, mercy, and love that I have from my Lord. How selfish of me to sit around and do nothing, when God did the greatest thing you could do, He gave His son to die for me. To pay the price for my sins, so that I may live. The least I can do is follow His will, and tell of His love.

I long for the passion that the believers in Acts had.

"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ."

This passage of scripture is hard for me to wrap my mind around. They had such passion, and love for the Lord, that they weren't afraid to face persecution. It says that they came out rejoicing. I will be honest enough to say that I don't think at this point in my life that I could do that. I long for that passion. Just by reading you can tell that they were consumed with the Holy Spirit, they were on fire.

Yes, this has been a post of many subjects of various and sundry things and I apologize. It is late, but I am thoughtful. This has been the subjects on my mind, the thoughts of my heart.

Tonight was one of my finer moments in life, not really:

In Spanish Class...
Him: repeat after me 'ni'.
Me: Ni? What does that mean?
Him: You say it from the back of your throat, it means 'and'.
Me: Oh! I get it! Like the knights who say 'ni'!

(Note: In case you are from Mexico, like he was, or you have been living under a rock. Here is a link.)
~


I am in no way interested with anything to do with this. But, I took this on a whim and the results made me literally laugh out loud.

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Empire Strikes Back

"Captain, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That is how I feel about that.

To those that I know: you should take this and email me your results. I would be quite interested. :-) abneygirl@hotmail.com

My Favorite Romantic Quotes: (or maybe they're not all that romantic... but at least they're cute)

"I rode through the rain! I'd - I'd ride through worse than that if I could just hear your voice telling me that I might, at least, have some chance to win you."
~ Mr. Knightley from "Emma" ~

Mr. Knightley: Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another.
~ "Emma" ~

"I've been following in footsteps all my life. Save me, Sabrina fair, you're the only one who can."
~ Linus from "Sabrina" ~

"Did my heart love till now?
Forswear it sight,
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."
~ Romeo, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare ~

Joe Fox: You know, sometimes I wonder...
Kathleen Kelly: What?
Joe: Well... if i hadn't been "Fox Books" and you hadn't been "The Shop Around the Corner," and you and I had just met...
Kathleen: I know.
Joe: Yeah, yeah. I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?
~ "You've Got Mail" ~

"In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you"
~ Mr. Darcy from "Pride and Prejudice" ~ (not the best, but eh, it's Mr. Darcy, so it will do. :-) )

Lucy: You don't have to walk me home.
Jack: You block the wind.
~ "While You Were Sleeping" ~

I have no idea where to begin to explain what I am feeling. Trying to passionately seek His will for my life has become hard. I don't know if this is a hard thing to go through, or I am making it hard on myself. Part of me wants to do what I want to do, but the other part knows I need to follow the Lord's will for my life. It makes me feel scared, like I am in a bubble that I cannot get out of. I know where this is coming from, and who is putting these thoughts into my head, but still; it is hard. I am afraid if I truly surrender it all to him, that I will face trials of many kinds, pain, loss, est. And yet here we are again, this has been my constant theme for the past month posting. I am holding back because I am scared. I want to be a lukewarm Christian because it is safe. Wow, that thought just occurred to me.
It is hard, because I don't have any true, grounded friends that I can talk to about this. I miss the one I had back at home, she always seemed to understand. But that was then, and now I am alone. I have friends. Friends I can laugh with, friends I can cry with, but none who can truly understand the spiritual feelings I have. I feel like my spiritual life is being kept in a closet, hidden away from the world. I place this front on that I like to call 'the Addi everyone thinks they know and expects to see'. No one really knows what goes on inside.
I was talking with a friend recently, telling her my struggles with the group of friends I hang out with. I told her it was hard because the group of friends I hang out with are at the least three years older than I. I have no one near my age. People have judged me because of my age and have left me. They see me for my age, not for who I am. I'm just 'the sterotypical seventeen year old girl, who only thinks of boys, drama, and the O.C.' Part of the reason of the 'Great Friend Loss of 06'. That is not who I am! I explained to her my frustration, why could people not just see me for me? She simply explained that she loved me for me because she saw my heart, and not a lot of people have stopped long enough to do that. Sometimes I feel like the people that read this site know me better than those that I see each week.
This is my heart at the present moment.

Humm, I am not sure what i think about this. But hey, I was bored. :-)

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What does your candy heart say?

I recieved this in the mail today from a friend:

la ardilla vuela en la medianoche!!

It most definitley made me smile.

Tonight was good.

I have not laughed that hard in a long time.

I saw Elizabethtown tonight also.

Orlando Bloom, you disappoint me.

But you are still pretty to look at.

I feel like I wasted an hour and a half of my life.

Horrible, horrible movie.

Having to go to the bathroom so bad, while lost in the middle of nowhere can be a bad thing.

Stopping on the side of the road in pitch black, with the moon as your lighting so you can take care of business, can be humbling.

I have not laughed that hard in a long time.

Tonight was good.

I am starting to feel like Solomon when he wrote Ecclesasties. Nothing here is worth living for. Everything is meaningless. So if everything is meaningless, then why am I holding onto it so tightly? Why am I running from Him when he is the only thing worth living for?
I guess I am feeling a little blue. Everything is crazy, friends are coming, and going, without saying goodbye. As of now I have only one friend who I can truly count on. Things are changing so much for her, that I am afraid I might lose her as well.
I am starting to realize that your actions effect other people than just yourself. Doing what you want to do, because it will make you happy for that moment, can be horribly selfish, and cause hurt to others.
Saying goodbye has become a common thing for me lately. I knew it would happen. But that still does not take the pain away. The only solid foundation I have right now is my God. It hurts to be humbled. Being alone is one of my biggest fears, and now it is becoming a reality. The people I did consider close friends, are no longer, and have moved on. Now I still see them often, but things have happened, and we went different directions.
I am tired of this run, I am ready to slow down to a walk.

Everyone is still asleep, and the apartment is quiet. That makes me happy. Partying until late last night is making me so very sleepy this morning. Wow, that made me sound like such a bad girl. But truth of the matter is that I was at a 'Princess Party'. Those who attended were not over the age of eight. :-) There is nothing really to write about. Nothing has really changed. It has settled into this normal, day to day thing; I'm not sure if I like that....

Father I see that you are drawing a line in the sand

And I want to be standing on your side, holding your hand

So let your kingdom come, let it live in me

This is my prayer, this is my plea