I'm baaaaack.

Woah 2008, you threw me for a loop.

In 2008 I:
-Organized and led my sorority's Rush Week and Pledge retreat.
-Found out I had a Atrial Tachycardia.
-Discovered the joy and happiness in ABC's LOST.
-Fell in love with rain boots.
-To my dismay and disgust, got stuck in Western Civ with the OCBF.
-Learned to forgive and be forgiven.
-Loved being in Western Civ with the OCBF.
-Was put on a 30-day heart monitor. (Shoot.me.in.the.head.)
-Cried in the shower for a hour, crying out to God.
-Voted for Ron Paul in the primary presidential election.
-Met Kelly, my phi lamb little sis.
-Quit Sigma Phi Lambda.
-Bought an iPod Touch.
-Became a vegetarian.
-Quit being a vegetarian for two weeks.
-Fell in love with The O.C.
-Almost got kicked out of my house.
-Had an emotional breakdown.
-Fell in love with Edward and Jasper Cullen. Oh man.
-Had to back out of going to Scotland due to my heart.
-Underwent heart surgery for 8 hours awake.
-Woke up to find out that it was unsuccessful.
-Learning to depend on God for strength because I was completely broken.
-Wrote my own manifesto.
-Had one of the most honest conversations ever with my birthmom. 
-Hated OBU, but returned obediently. 
-Met the roommates from hell.
-Put into the hospital to try new heart medicine.
-Found a good dosage of heart medicine that works.
-Loved and hated Chemistry.
-Celebrated my 20th birthday.
-Learned that Love is a Dance that Surrenders.
-Voted for president for the first time. 
-Discovered I can paint.
-Celebrated Thanksgiving in Branson.
-Met and became extremely fond of a certain man.
-Finished my fifth semester of college.

So looking over it all, 2008 pretty much sucked. It had some amazing moments, but it was one of the roughest years I have ever had. But 2009 has got to be better, right? Right. I'm very ready to close the door on this year and welcome the new one. I guess the thing that sticks out to me with 2008 is that it was full of relationships. New ones, old ones, renewed ones, forgotten ones. I grew up this year, cried this year, and laughed this year.
So here is goodbye to 2008 and hello-you-could-not-have-come-sooner to 2009.

Goodbye for now....

Taking a break to rest....

I need to think through some things, and not channel them through my blog. Too many people are reading for me to do that anymore. Once I get things in perspective I'll be back.
Happy Holidays.

p.s. I'll still be on twitter, so you can follow me there if you wish.

And stay by my side, 'Til morning is nigh...

I have SO many things to do this week it is not even funny. I keep telling myself that I only have a week and a half more. I can make it.
The whole room situation has worked out. I'm so thankful. Three girls are moving in with me next semester, and I get to stay where I am.
This past weekend at home was amazing on so many levels. It was one of my better weekends at home. Sunday night at church God and I had a huge heart to heart and I got back on track with Him. It was also one of the best worship experiences I've had in a long time. I had to ask forgiveness from a lot of people and they were more than happy to do so. After it was all over I was filled with peace, something I haven't felt in a long time.

Help

God, please help me find a way to make this work.

I received an email from my housing director and he said I have to find three roommates by the end of the semester or I have to move out of my apartment. I'm so frustrated and upset. I honestly hate OBU. I still have a hard time understanding why God wants me here.
My options are:
1. Find three roommates in two weeks.
2. Move out and have nowhere to go.
3. Beg these three nasty party girls who live two doors down and ask if I can live with them. (One, by the way, is a lesbian and I am pretty sure she has a crush on me.)

I am so stressed, I just don't know what to do. Its frustrating as well because I know two of my roommates are lying to OBU and are moving off campus and are not 21. So because of their deception I am suffering the consequences. It doesn't seem fair.

God, if this is where you want me, then why are you making it so hard??

El Roi

You are El Roi, the God who sees.

The LORD looks down from heaven;
he sees all humankind.
From where he sits enthroned he watches
all the inhabitants of the earth-
he who fashions the hearts of them all,
and observes all their deeds....
Truly the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast lone,
to deliver their soul from death,
and to keep them alive in famine.
-Psalm 33:13-15, 18-19

You see me and know my thoughts. You take delight in what you have made. There is not one second where I am alone. I should have no fear of the darkness of the night, because you are with me. You see when I am accused wrongly, you see the good deeds I do in secret. You watch me, yearning to strengthen me. You want nothing but good for me. Why did I ever question that? There is nothing you do not see. You saw your son be nailed to the cross, and you saw a young Cambodian girl huddled on the brothel floor, calling out your name. You see when my hearts so badly I feel it could break, and you see when I am overcome with joy. I am never far from your thoughts. How thankful I am for a God who lovingly watches over me. Please teach me to see with your eyes, to grieve for what you grieve, to love how you love.

Now I'm falling asleep, and she's calling a cab

Oh Thanksgiving, you were amazing.....

Now back to the daily monotonous routine of school, work, papers, tests, whatever. Only 17 more days of school, not that I am counting or anything.
I bought new music via Itunes and am loving it. "California" and "Seventeen Forever" by Metro Station and Debussy's "Clair de Lune" are my favorites.

I am looking forward to this break. I feel like something exciting will happen. I could use some excitement.