This is a pretty raw post, so I cannot guarantee how long it will stay posted. This is truly what is going on in my heart and how God is working in it.
She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Hosea 2:7a An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. 1 Corinthians 7:34b
It feels so good to have my heart back on track with my Savior. My day just seems to go better. I know so many that love me are praying for me, and I cannot tell you how much of a comfort that is. I feel like God is saying to me: “Good job Addi, you get it and are learning. I love you and you are now coming back to me. Now, I will speak tenderly to your heart and show you that your future in my hands is a wonderful thing, and that is nothing to fear.” I love Him, so, so much. I know I need to learn patience. I am so ready…..well I so want to fall in love, get married, and grow up, but I know I am not ready. I am still so young, a freshman in college. There is so much I still have not learned and God is still teaching me. He’s showing me that He is my number one love. He is the captivator of my soul. I need to learn to delight myself in the Lord, and then He will give me the desires of my heart. Honestly, I truly don’t know all the desires of my heart, I think for some of them, He is the only one that knows. Does this make sense??
So for now, I am content being about the Lord’s affairs, and learning to be patient. A friend sent my a story after I explained to her what was going on in my heart, this is what the story was about, and it completely described what God is trying to tell me.
Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace, and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, “Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I’ll tell you what.
I’ll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don’t forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?” Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her.
Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls. How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere-to kindergarten, bed and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn’t wear them was in the shower-her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green!
Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, “Jenny, do you love me?” “Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you,” the little girl said. “Well, then, give me your pearls.” “Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!” Jenny said. “But you can have Rosie, my
favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?” “Oh no, darling, that’s okay.” Her father brushed her cheek
with a kiss. “Good night, little one.” A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her
story, “Do you love me?” “Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you.” “Well, then, give me your pearls.” “Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She’s my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy,” the little girl said to her father. “No, that’s okay,” her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. “God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams.”
Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. “Here, Daddy,” she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father’s hand. With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing.
Fall is soon coming and that makes me so excited. It is actually cold at night and early in the mornings. My favorite Alaskan gave me a CD full of Disney songs, which has made my heart and ears very happy. There are even songs from Newsies and Beauty and the Beast too. 
My favorites.
God bless whoever chose to invent Instant Messenger. It helps cut down on phone bills, and makes awkward conversations a little less awkward.
Okay, I am going to go back to homework and listening to my Disney cd. Yay.
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