I am so ready for the break to be here.

I miss my mom.

And my sweet Dyson and his coos and cuddles.

The seriousness of my health is starting to hit me. And it scares me.

I need this six week break from school to come quickly.

Have I mentioned how much I miss my sweet boy?

?I have stretched ropes from steeple to steeple; garlands from window to window; golden chains from star to star, and I dance.?

-Arthur Rimbaud

Watching Amazing Grace with my family.

Taking pictures of a sweet baby.

One of my new favorite CDs playing softly.

The Christmas tree casting a soft glow across the room and onto my toes.

Not having any homework to do.

Sweet phone calls from a friend.

Enjoying the peaceful moments of nothing-to-do-ness.

If the whole rapture thing creeps you out:

• Never decide to write about it as a Biblical Ethics term paper topic.


• Never put it off until three days before it is due.


• Never begin to write it late at night when you are alone in your big house while everyone is asleep.


• Never write it in a extremely quiet place that is near train tracks. Because you will begin to think all loud sounds you hear are the rapture.


• And don?t decide to research it when you and God don?t have the closest relationship at the moment.

Yes. I?m sad. I?ve checked on my family twice to see if they are still there.

1200 more words?..

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You?re by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I?m caught in the middle

So the question is, how do I get out of this middle??

Somewhere between who I was and who You?re making me

Somewhere in the middle, You?ll find me

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Sometimes I think I am scared to take that plunge, to give into that reckless abandonment. Why am I so afraid to be known by the God of the universe? Why am I so afraid to let Him have control of my life? Why? Because I am afraid with what He might do with it. Because it would require me to lay everything down, to be stripped of everything I am and be something new and unknown. This relationship that I have now is comfortable, safe, predictable. Why do you have to call me to something more? Something more is a scary place for me, I like where I am. Why can?t you be the God that I want, rather than the one you are?

I know that if I do take that something more, it means that I cannot ever go back. I like the middle. But I do thank you for loving me despite my Jonahness, loving me even when I?m stuck in the middle.

Hamlet, you completely confused me. But it is nice to know that there is someone out there (literary or not) that is moodier than I am. Because you were so confusing, I now have to take a test and write about your confusion and how it relates to the Italian Renaissance. So thank you. Thank you for stressing me out, because it manifested into me deep cleaning my room, finding a beautiful layout for my website, discovering new features on my digital camera, and organizing my bookshelf. Oh, and because of your never ending, wordy, hard to understand conversations with yourself, I discovered that sparknotes translated your complicated English into modern day language.

?rushing and racing and running in circles

moving so fast I?m forgetting my purpose,

Try to appear like I?ve got it together

I?m falling apart?

I don?t know whats going on, but I know I am not where I need to be. Well, I do know some reasons why, but I?m just not ready to accept them yet. Sometimes life can be so beautiful and look like its going smoothly, but in the inside its full of confusion and doubt. I know it will all be okay in the end, its just the getting there part I dislike the most. Its what requires the most of me, requiring things I don?t necessarily like, but in the end is so worth it.

I need to tap into my time management skills, and to learn to slow down.

What was a cough and shortness of breath turned into pneumonia. So I have been banned from being anywhere near people, and am usually on the couch or in bed. I don?t feel well and I do not have TIME to not feel well. Monday and Tuesday I have three of my hardest tests to take. I feel icky.

Okay, I?m done whining.

I have discovered several new CDs that I really like. This is one that I have been playing on repeat.

Back to studying?.

Things that make me smile

• Being squeaky clean after taking a long shower, and then getting into a perfectly made, extra comfy looking bed.


• Having a day full of productivity.


• Getting random hugs.


• Hearing the squeak of a newborn baby over the telephone.


• Getting an 87 on a term paper that you though you failed.


• The chilly weather that makes me crinkle my nose.


• Chocolate milk.


• Realizing you have so much to do in the next few weeks and being okay with it.


• Realizing that you can have all of your classes next semester on Tuesday/Thursdays if you want to.


• Going to McDonalds with your roommate to order a med. fry and a McFlury with free coupons, a cinnamon melt, and a Big Mac, and ending up with 2 med. fries, a big mac, a McFlury, an ice tea, and two large Dr. Peppers; all for only four dollars.


• Fire Drills at 1am. (not really)


• Reformation Day


• Being purely blessed.