With school ?midterms?, the internet being out at home, and life just being busy, I am going to be away from the internet for a little while.



Because of this I am sitting in my car on the wireless internet at school, with my stuffed coconut that makes a wolf call when you squeeze it.

I want to travel so badly. My dream is to pack a suitcase full of journals and pretty dresses, grab my digital camera, and hop on a plane to somewhere in Europe?.and just be on my own?..for a little while.

When I was in Armenia I found that one afternoon I had free time and mostly everyone else decided to take naps. I decided that I would take that time and do some shopping, but I then realized that I had no one to go with. So I got brave and went by myself. Granted I slipped and fell and got several ?look at that crazy American? glances, but I had fun, and I felt grown up.

But knowing me I would unintentionally get myself into some kind of international trouble?.

so for now I am still holding onto that dream.

Edit:

So my camera cord that has been MIA has now been found. With it I found some pretty funny pictures I took while in the midst of packing up my dorm room. It was about 4am, I was taking the 500 word magnets off of my fridge, tired, at the end of a long and exhausting week of finals, and did I mention tired?? Thus my personal feelings came out via word magnet art.

The internet where I live has been out for about a day and a half?..which has caused me to feel completely disconnected from the world. Not a good feeling. But, it has left me to think?a lot(and get my nails done), and talk some things over with God. This time He provided some answers?..I think.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do,

and your plans will succeed. In his heart a man plans his course,

but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:3, 9

I think I have found my life verse. Truly. I guess you could say that God has lifted the curtain a little and showed me what He has planned. Yes, I knew that missions was involved, but there is something more that He has called me to. He has called me to be a Healer. While on my jog last night I was thinking about my life, and what He wants me to do. Then all of the sudden He spoke softly, ?Addi, I want you to be a healer for me, to go where there is sickness and pain, I want you to show them that I can bring physical healing, and well as healing for their soul.? So that is what I am going to do. Yes I do realize that the road will be long and hard, with years full of medical school. But if I commit to the Lord whatever I do, I will succeed. This is what He wants, and I am pretty dang excited about it.

My psychology professor grades on a curve.

I set the curve by getting a 100 on my test.

One of my best friends Ray is spending the night.

I walked a mile tonight.

I found out that my roommate and I got into the dorm that we wanted for next semester.

Which means we share a suite with one bathroom for 4 girls, as opposed to one bathroom for 20 girls. Way excited.

I am wearing a skirt tomorrow.

My ultrasound is on Friday, but I am trying to block it out until then.

My side has not hurt for about a day and a half. But then it started up again tonight.

I found my Beatles CD that I thought I lost.

God is in control.

I forget its there. I will begin to think normally again, but then I do something or move the wrong way and it starts to hurt. Then the worry sets in, and I begin to be scared again and again.

I hate being afraid and uncertain. Maybe that is why I have a problem with trusting Him.

I want to put my trust in Him. I want to continue to praise Him like David did when he was in hard times; but I am so scared as to where this path is going to take me. It might not be somewhere I want to go, or, it might be someplace wonderful. I don?t know.

All I do know is that my side hurts, and it hurts to sleep on my stomach, which is how I fall asleep.

?When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.?

Col. 2: 13-15

When I read this passage tonight, it REALLY stuck out to me. I can read and re-read the story of the crucifixion and what Jesus did for me. But I, like so many others, become immune to it and am able to read it without emotion. I sometimes forget what He did. Sometimes I live with the weight and guilt of my sin. But not anymore. I guess you could say I got hit in the head with a major dose of grace. I have been set me, my sins are forgiven, they are no more. I do not have to live with that guilt and shame because I am free. Christ set me free. He made me alive. He has allowed me to be this way, so why am I not living it out? Christ came so that we may be full in Him and His love and be complete. ~

Life has been so dang busy, but in a good way. Between school, cottage activities, afternoon naps, swimming, and babysitting; my days seem to fly away. I woke up early this morning, although I overslept and missed my first class at school, I couldn?t go back to sleep so I got up. It is nice. My parents are gone and my brother is sleeping still, so it is quiet. I am finally having the chance to sit down and pay some credit card bills online, and just breathe.

I am still thinking, praying, talking, making pros and cons lists, researching, and listening to see if God truly wants me to change my major. The idea of it appeals to me more and more, but I am afraid that I might be romanticizing it, so I am not making any decisions just yet. I hate not knowing?..even though I don?t really need to know.

I was reading a blog earlier and what this girl wrote said exactly what is going on in my heart. It?s amazing, so writes so beautifully and?.well, just read for yourself:

?The Lord is working. Molding and shaping me continually into His likeness. That must be a hard job a times. I would much rather be tough and difficult clay to mold at times. Wanting to do my will and desires instead of making His will and desires mine. Being soft, tender and pliable is much more rewarding. I am beginning to see His ?invisible fingerprints? on my life become slightly more visible. Don?t you love that? when you start to see a little more of His ?bigger picture.? He has a beautiful canvas he is painting of my life. I cannot see the picture in its entirety. He purposefully has it protected by a pure white, thick canvas sheet. It is heavy. Too heavy for me to lift. I have to trust Him because His mind and will are too wonderful for me. [Psalm 139] I know it is too heavy for my simplistic strength. But how many times I stand in front of the canvas, thinking He would not mind if I took a glance. After all I am seeking His will for my life. But try as I might, my strength is weakness. The canvas won?t move. Then He is there. His left hand on my shoulder. So gentle and loving. He reaches out with His right and removes my struggling hands from the canvas, taking them into His own scarred hands. Oh, those scarred hands. Beautiful and holy hands. I am hanging my head in shame and he smiles, knowingly but reprovingly. ?Dearest, trust Me.? Three simply words. Like water to a thirsty soul. My heart is warmed all over. Jesus is there with me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves ME! What have I to fear? [Romans 8: 31-30] I talk to Him. He listens. I pour out my heart. He understands. The more time I spend with Him? the more I begin to forget about the canvas painting. Jesus is all that matters. He is life itself. The one I must focus on always. I am sitting at His feet loving Him. Then suddenly I am quiet. Stillness and peace flood the air. He stirs and looks towards the painting. Standing, he reaches out His hand to help me up, [the perfect gentleman] ever so gently He leads me to the picture of my life. Still hidden beneath that white canvas. He smiles. His love radiates through His heart-melting smile. Amazingly? he motions for me to come closer. He softly lifts a corner of the canvas and I gasp. Something beautiful! I cannot make out what it is. But it is beautiful. Perfect and lovely. He knows that and I can trust Him. Searching my face Jesus knows I have seen enough for now. The canvas drops as quickly as He lifted it. I am content. Life goes on. The painting is always there, covered and hidden. Sometimes I try to remember exactly what it was I saw. But it all seems like a distant dream. Until I meet with Jesus again and then everything fades in the light of His glory and grace.?

A lot is changing, and for the good too.

Change is happening in my heart, in my day, and possibly in my future too. My day has been filled with praying, talking with my parents, research, and a whole lot of thinking. New doors are being opened and it makes me excited.

AND I found out you can make your own M&M. I made me.



and I get to sleep in tomorrow!!! I cannot express how happy I am. Oh boy.