My Lovely Genesis

Today on the way home from a godawful field trip I was riding shotgun with a woman who has begun to inspire me more and more. She is 31, fresh from a terrible divorce, and coming back to college to change her circumstances. Her strength and confidence astounds me. We were riding home in a van full of snotty education majors and laughing so hard we would wheeze, then laugh some more because we were both sick and sounded like chain smokers. Everyone in the van looked at us like we were crazy for laughing so hard, I get those looks a lot. I leaned over and mentioned that everyone was looking at us because we were laughing so hard. She quickly replied, "Who cares? I don't laugh for them, I laugh for me." I looked over at her and cocked my head to the side in wonder and amazement because what she said was what my insides have been telling me for a long time.
Since when have I begun to be so insecure about myself? Why is it that I nervously bite my bottom lip in situations that I am not completely comfortable in? I suppose lately it is because I have solely focused on my academic ambitions and therefore based my self-worth on how well written my Fitzgerald paper was. In class I become Addison the English major whose likability is all based on my wittiness and ability to write good fiction. I like that girl, but my self-worth should never be based on who she is. She fails, a lot. And at the end of the night she often compares herself to other wishing she could be better at this one thing rather than being happy for the things she is good at now.