I like how I am able to cry out to God, and He can hear me, and then in the next moment He can tell me to be silent and to listen. I love how good He is, even when times are rough. Well, they really are not rough for me, but they are right now for some people I love. Which makes my heart hurt for them.

I sent a ‘get well card’ to a boy for the first time today. I am still a little surprised that I did it. But, it is what God wanted me to do, so I am good with it.

So I am definitely the only freshman in my Comparative Civilization class. But its funny. There are all of these juniors and sophomores and a few seniors with their very boring green and blue notebooks…..and then there’s me….with my pink flower notebook and polka dot folder. Seriously. There are married guys in there…..weird.

Ferrari .

So I have some to the realization that I like happy music. I guess I just can?t help myself, I do truly love music. Music sometimes is able to explain things that I am feeling and thinking when I am unable to. In my Arts in Western Culture class my professor played a song for us to pick out the melody. Ever since then I cannot stop listening to it. I made it my song on my myspace profile too. Actually, now that I listen to the words, its really a sad song, but it sounds happy, so I?m good with it.

School is back in full swing. I think I will like most of my classes. I am taking the second semester of Civ, which looks to be a killer. But I am going to put effort into this year and hopefully do better. There is this girl in my class that I know, and she knows me, and we eyeball each other in class. For some sad reason I always want to do better than her. So, regardless of how childish that sounds, I am choosing to look at it a an incentive to get my work done and come prepared for class. See, every cloud does have a silver lining.

I love, love, love my Family Science class. It is an intro class for my major. I am one of the older ones in class, which is something I?m not really used to. I remember freshman year I was so intimidated by upperclassmen in my classes, its weird that I am almost one of them now.

My mom called me today and told me that I have raised $450 so far for my trip. That really makes me excited. I know that God will provide, but, the evil one is tending to whisper doubts in my ear, and they are getting louder.

The kick-off for pizza night with M made my Tuesday bright. I didn?t realize how much I really did miss her. We discussed my plans for Rush, and her applying for a nursing job at surrounding hospitals. Afterwards we went back to her apartment and she introduced me to her new kitten Maui. I have been wanting a kitten lately but this added fuel to the flame. I want a kitten so badly. If I thought I could get away with sneaking a kitten into the dorm, I would seriously consider it.

I only have 8 more episodes of Lost to watch until I am completely caught up??so I think that is how I am going to spend the rest of my evening.

Edit: Dang, they done killed Charlie off. I?m a little sad.

I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.

I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.

Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”

Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.
Psalm 142

So I am not really going through any sort of trial right now, but even still, this passage stuck out to me. In the book A Purpose Driven Life it talks about how in life we are either about to enter a trial, are in the midst of one, or overcoming one. Life was like that for David, but with a lot more trials thrown in the mix. But even though he was ‘big, tough David’ he cried out to God. He knew that without God, he was nothing. He wasn’t afraid to tell God that He was fearful, upset, angry, tired, ect. He cried out to God. That’s pretty hardcore. He knew that he needed God’s presence with Him, and He wasn’t afraid to ask for it. As I am studying David, I am seeing more why God called him a ‘man after His own heart’. Or something like that.

Words that describe my day:

Stuffy nose.

Lost Season 3 on DVD

Hard hospital recliner

Praying like a mad woman that I don?t get sick.

Is it wrong that I like the character Sawyer??

I?m not sure. Hummmm.

I?m afraid that people will blow off my support letter and not take it seriously. 

My chest is starting to hurt.

I really want a donut and chocolate milk.

and I miss my b-mom.

and my best friend, L.

Found out my b-dad is proposing to wife number 3 this week.

no comment.

I heart my cell phone.

Reason #2,353 why to check my pockets before I put my jeans in the washer

Me: Dad????

Dad: Yes?

Me: I need to tell you something, but don?t get mad, because I am going to pay for it.

Dad: Okay??

Me: I accidentally washed my cell phone in the washing machine and now I have to go buy a new one.

So I am now the new owner of a Blackberry Pearl. And my sim card is shot, so goodbye all my numbers.

So I am not exactly sure how long this one might stay up. I have found video blogging to be a sort of outlet to release all the stress in my everyday life. For some reason this stress is channeled and in turn produces something of a retarded video. They completely contradict the thoughtfulness of my writing. I suppose this is the side of me not a lot of people get to see.

So I guess it kinda hit me today that I leave Saturday morning, and I am not even the least bit packed. But I’m okay with that.

Oh and my mother learned this equation yesterday.

running in the house + slippers + slick floor + knowing not to run in house but doing it anyway

= a busted knee, a trip to the ER, nothing broken but on crutches for a week or so, and lots of pain

-yeah, my mom is a dork.

Soooooo. I had a pretty good weekend. And I found out some new opportunities this summer that might turn out pretty good. It was a good reminder that God is planning good things for my life.

p.s. the third one was being camera shy.

…and when I need your Holy Spirit more than life itself, then Christ is formed in me.’

That is what has been on my mind this morning, during service, and after, on the drive home.

What does true passion look like? And how do you get to the point of over flowing with the Spirit? Oh I want to be there so badly, but I’m not there just yet.

So I guess when you mix me falling asleep in the eye doctor’s office while waiting on my mom to get out, and a squirrelly little brother who apparently knows I always keep my camera in my purse; this is the picture that comes out:

Yeah, I wasn’t too pleased when I checked my camera later this afternoon. Little bug. But, to make things better, we did take one of my favorite pictures together to date, I love it.

So I was okay after that.

I sometimes forget how much I love C.S. Lewis. He knew God in a way I hope to.


“[God] is not proud…He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.”

–The Problem of Pain

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done…”

–from a letter “To Mrs. L.”
(my personal favorite)



“If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world”


“We want cattle who can finally become food. He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over.”

- Screwtape to Wormwood in “The Screwtape Letters”


“In Christianity God is not a static thing–not even a person–but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance.”

-Mere Christianity

Tonight I was praying and talking to God about something that has been on my heart for a while. I didn’t think it was going anywhere, and I was wanting to obey His will, even if it meant not getting mine. I know I am being pretty vague, but in the end God ended up saying “Addi, just ask me for what you want, if it’s my will, I will grant you your desire.” So I was pretty much sitting there with an ‘oh, okay’ expression on my face. I had never thought to ask God directly; so I did, and we shall see what happens. I forget sometimes that God wants us to ask Him for the things we want or need. Even if they are silly. :)

In other random news, I was at starbucks tonight, and heard a conversation that made me giggle.

Guy in a cowboy hat: Can you put any marshmallows in mine for me?
Starbucks girl: No, but I have whip creme, will that work?
Guy in a cowboy hat: No, I’m kind of a marshmallow man. I’ll just take it plain.

So needless to say, it was pretty funny, and it made me laugh.

So pretty much this is what happens when there is too much ice to go anywhere, too much time on my hands, and a laptop nearby. Yes, I am a dork. Yes, I swear I normally do act my age.
Warning: this video you are about to see is extremely retarded. Enjoy.

P.S. I do realize I misspelled ‘boredom’, I was too lazy to change it.

P.S.S. Now people, seriously, I think I should get a few comments for all the work I put into this, from all the random passers-by.

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
-Matthew 6: 24

Okay for me its not the issue of money, but then what is it? I know God is speaking to me, telling me that I need to lay down some idols; but what, I don’t know. Yes I have made some life changes, ones that will glorify God more, but there are other areas in my heart that I am so confused about. What does true Passion look like? I want to know so badly. I want to go deeper. I’ve asked, but it is so hard to want to do something, or go somewhere, without the blueprints, or the map.

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”
Romans 7:14-20

Sometimes I feel so much like Paul in the passage above. I feel like I am out here spinning my wheels because I just honestly don’t know where to go. Guidance, discernment, and all that is hard to find and is causing fear and doubt in my heart. Sometimes, deep inside, a little part of me misses being a baby Christian, where my talks with God were innocent and, I suppose, young. In the midst of all of it, it becomes hard to not be bitter towards myself. But I stop, because that is when the deceiver comes and whispers ‘give up’; and that is not going to happen.
Oh how I hate the selfish sinner that I can be/am! Truly, I don’t deserve the grace of God, but He still loves me, and it amazes me and makes my heart sing.

So even though this is a pretty jumbled post, it paints a pretty good picture of what is going on in my heart.

I want to go deeper.
I want to be passionate.
I want to discover my idols so that I may lay them down at His feet.
I want to stop being confused.
I want to know Him.

The End.

God is teaching me some things. Stuff that is really raw and too personal to share on here for now. But oh how I love Him, even when times can seem dark and twisty. He gives me peace and joy, and so many other things. Finding what is pure, true, lovely, and honorable in the world today can be a daunting task, but with the Lord, it is possible.
I love my OCBF, she is pretty much the best thing ever, and she lets me ramble on about nonsense; which helps, even though she might be the fat cousin at the next family reunion.

So lately I have been the odd girl walking around random objects outside, taking pictures. But hey, the results were worth it.

New Year’s Day my mother and I went on a road trip for various and sundry reasons. We ended up in a town in the middle of nowhere. Truly. It wasn’t the end of the world, but you could see it from there. The ride was fun, and I got to spend some much needed time with my mom. On our way back we drove by a store that completely made us burst into giggles.

Same song, second verse.

sigh.

Only few know the true meaning of those words.

I borrowed one of my little sister’s Jump5 CD’s. It is definitely bringing back memories from my Childhood. Funny, because I remember all of the lyrics still and am able to sing and dance right along with her.
I am ready for school to start back. I never realized how busy I stayed there, and here, everything slooooows down. I miss my friends too, and my OCBF….a lot.
So we are re-arranging our whole house tomorrow…….and when I say whole I mean whole. I like my room, but a change will be fun, so we will see how it goes.
So really, there is nothing left to write about; and I am bored.

I want to go to China so badly. I am studying it in one of my classes. The more I learn about it the more I want to go. I think it is becoming one of my new healthy obsessions.





These pictures were taken around Guilin, in the Guangxi Province. Even though the government is pretty jacked up, I really love China. Everything about the land, culture, and the people is beautiful. AND they have pandas. I like pandas.

AND?.

I have a choice to make regarding how I want to spend my January of 2008. I can be a good nursing student and take Development and nutrition at school?..OR I have to chance to spend two weeks in London on a trip for school. Dang. Its a tough call. No, not really. I guess the hard part is coming up with 2700 dollars?..but I do have my parents permission, and I have a passport. SO it could happen.